...the more I seem to be at peace with myself and life in general. Over the last few years, I've noticed a growing stillness inside of me that had never existed before. Each day that passes I think, brings one more day of widsom to us all, one more day to contemplate the decisions we've made in life and how it all led to who we are today.
I've come to know that I am the product of every decision I ever made. Thinking back, more often than not, the circumstances I seemed to find myself in did not make me as a person, rather I found they revealed my true character. I believe as a part of human nature, I would tend to lay blame at the doorstep of others when I found myself in difficult situations.
And then five years ago I found myself suddenly and completely alone.
Forced to look at my life now, I realized before me lay the biggest decision I ever had to make. I could chose to blame life itself, or I could choose to see this as an opportunity given to me at the exact point in my life when I couldn't have needed it more.
I chose to look inside myself, to sit a few hours in the silence at night and let my thoughts breathe and drift where they may. In the beginning it was a truly frightening experience, being alone and facing every fear I had collected along the way. But as time slowly passed - not only did it get easier - but sitting with my own thoughts in a comfortable atmosphere began to take on an addictive element.
I found that most of my life I hadn't particularily liked who I was, that I would blame the world around me for my unhappiness or that I would wade through the past feeling guilty, or worry about the most mundane situations that may lie ahead. In time, I found that it was ok to stop trying to control situations where I had no control in the first place, or to stop beating myself unmercifully over the past. It was entirely, one-hundred percent useless to throw away today for yesterday and tomorrow, and it became a privlege to take responsibility for every action I was to take from this day forward.
As I grow older now, I find that my fears seem to have subsided, that today I am peaceful and I am happy.
But most importantly, I find myself grateful.
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