For many years I work with disable adults, I am aware of many disability that adults have.
Lately I notice that there are a few in this site that has this problem from what I am reading. There are help for those who may have this disorder, you can start with your doctor and describe the symptoms. (Yes in chat room too).

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality-disorders/understanding-the-contradiction-i-hate-you-dont-leave-me/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder

https://www.mydr.com.au/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder

https://content.iospress.com/articles/human-systems-management/hsm9-4-05