Been in a relationship for nine years tried to break it off several times but went back beause i believed hed change unfortunately too much rum and cigarattes which he cant afford financially or heath wise and i refuse to pay his bills-i know you cant change anyone keep hoping things get better i want out of this dream world
sparky70 wrote: Been in a relationship for nine years tried to break it off several times but went back beause i believed hed change unfortunately too much rum and cigarattes which he cant afford financially or heath wise and i refuse to pay his bills-i know you cant change anyone keep hoping things get better i want out of this dream world

HI Sparky,its not a dream world you need to get out of.Its sounds more of a nightmare your in.if you feel strong enough to end this nightmare,then move on and start living your dreams.Its never to late to meet someone else that could make your dreams come true. I wish you luck an happiness in what ever you decide to do. :) x
sparky70 wrote: Been in a relationship for nine years tried to break it off several times but went back beause i believed hed change unfortunately too much rum and cigarattes which he cant afford financially or heath wise and i refuse to pay his bills-i know you cant change anyone keep hoping things get better i want out of this dream world


Dear SPARKY, 

I will just jump in here right away, as I have been a member for an entire hour now! LOL...  

First off-- My apologies to all if I post my comment incorrectly. I cannot view the other women's name, but she is correct. You are not in a "dream world," you are in a walking nightmare!! 

SPARKY, I have dealt with abusive patterns and relationships since I was a child. The most vital lesson I have taken away from my experiences?

DO NOT LOOK TO HOW THE OTHER PERSON TREATS YOU--- THAT IS NOT YOUR ISSUE. One is only in charge of our own actions. Rather, look to WHY you ALLOW another person to treat you in the manner you do? At the end of the day, there is always a bottom reason and always some sort of "pay off." 

WHEN you can identify WHY you allow someone to treat you as less than you are worth... THEN and ONLY THEN, will YOU be able to fix this.  

In most cases, it is due to obvious "esteem" issues, so you now are forced to DIG DEEPER. Even individuals reliant upon security the abuser provides are dealing with "esteem" issues. But if he has no money and is boozing, and not supporting you; it sounds more like a Co-Dependent status, and this is a vicious cycle. Dig deep, and when you think you've found gold, DIG DEEPER. Something lies far below the surface, and you will never reach the treasure until you break the dirt. 

Best wishes.....  
sparky70 wrote: Been in a relationship for nine years tried to break it off several times but went back beause i believed hed change unfortunately too much rum and cigarattes which he cant afford financially or heath wise and i refuse to pay his bills-i know you cant change anyone keep hoping things get better i want out of this dream world


Sparky70 you already have great advise and I agree. You already made the first step and talk about it. Good for you.  

Ask yourself:
Do I make excuses to go back or stay?
How far am I willing to go? I think you already know. 

Taken action to better yourself is not easy and sometimes scary. Believe me I went through it myself. Review yourself and what you want out of life. As soon as you do the first step you will see how good it feels. It is about YOU. Find your symbol of life..it might sound silly but it works. It can be anything. Find your happiness and draw from that. Look for anything positive to strengthen your path. It will take small steps but you get there. 

Best wishes 
My sister came up with a great formula for deciding on whether to have a relationship with a particular man. Stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes and ask yourself "Would you want your daughter or your sister to be in this relationship?" Simple, but a very effective way of answering the question. The steps to remove yourself, you have to figure out given your situation. Good luck, and best wishes for a happier future.
that is so true dria .
First of all

Going back to a broken relationship is not advisable. The subtle explanation is a relationship is like a rope. Once broken , though it is possible to mend it but there would always remain a knot in there. Now that was the subtle. Now the right in the face explanation is like attempting to eat what you just puked.
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Secondly

Now if one has decided that the relationship is harming one's soul, mind and physique, I am guessing that the self preservation mode is still in operation to walk out and not look back. If that self preservation mode is not operational then my friends,  one would need to seek help from a therapist as self preservation is the number one instinct of any living creature, in almost all cases. Image

Thirdly

Remember the song 50 ways to leave your lover? Create the 51st way
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All the advice in the world will not help you if you don't want to move on, that is your first consideration, also think what would be the alternative if you stay, try to make a list of fors and against and be truthful, you will see your options from this, don't think he will change or you will change him this has been tried many times and failed, I am 73 and am going through a divorce for the last 2 and half yrs. I have very little money as the legal fees are tacking most of it. I was married nearly 50 yrs but for the last 20 yrs have felt bearied as my X Wife was a control freak, and I allowed her free reign just to take the easy path, after saying all that I did leave her and have now a LIFE of my own an am very happy with wounderful freinds i have NEVER thought of going back and if i did what have i achieved sorry to hhave gone on but my advice is move on GAL
Ever heard of "Speed Dating"? Calgary had some sort of expo or show and one of the events there was "Speed Dating" where people can get to one another to find out if that who they want to date or not.
sidp70 wrote: All the advice in the world will not help you if you don't want to move on, that is your first consideration, also think what would be the alternative if you stay, try to make a list of fors and against and be truthful, you will see your options from this, don't think he will change or you will change him this has been tried many times and failed, I am 73 and am going through a divorce for the last 2 and half yrs. I have very little money as the legal fees are tacking most of it. I was married nearly 50 yrs but for the last 20 yrs have felt bearied as my X Wife was a control freak, and I allowed her free reign just to take the easy path, after saying all that I did leave her and have now a LIFE of my own an am very happy with wounderful freinds i have NEVER thought of going back and if i did what have i achieved sorry to hhave gone on but my advice is move on GAL



I am sorry to hear that but I am sure there are friends around that you will lie.
dancer1939 wrote:
sidp70 wrote: All the advice in the world will not help you if you don't want to move on, that is your first consideration, also think what would be the alternative if you stay, try to make a list of fors and against and be truthful, you will see your options from this, don't think he will change or you will change him this has been tried many times and failed, I am 73 and am going through a divorce for the last 2 and half yrs. I have very little money as the legal fees are tacking most of it. I was married nearly 50 yrs but for the last 20 yrs have felt bearied as my X Wife was a control freak, and I allowed her free reign just to take the easy path, after saying all that I did leave her and have now a LIFE of my own an am very happy with wounderful freinds i have NEVER thought of going back and if i did what have i achieved sorry to hhave gone on but my advice is move on GAL



I am sorry to hear that but I am sure there are friends around that you will lie.

like
You have 3, and only 3 choices - as with all things in life:

1) Stay, and accept things the way they are.

2) Stay, and try to evoke positive change.

3) If #2 fails....leave.
Breakups and Revenge


Revenge Your Ex

Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
nude photos of her and so on.

The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
better to show you are indifferent and don't care.

According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
or more successful.

I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
when you win without lowering yourself.

Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
getting over a past relationship.

Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your
confidence.

Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
and help attract better quality women.

Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.

Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be
depressed.

Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
attracted to.

Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!
Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that SHE
realizes SHE made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could SHE really have been in the first place!

Liked your post 1st world but your conclusion refers to SHE does it not also refer to HE that he perhaps may have made the big mistake ???
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