Only the time can heal a heart, only the time can... My partner also died from cancer. My heart was hurt, in pain and was broken, so much broken. He was sick for 3 years. I was there for him until the end. It was very hard for me to see him in that situation. I still miss him and tears still come into my eyes sometimes, he is still in my memory. The first day I learn he was sick, the first thing I asked God was to give me strong, He gave it to me though... Because I was strong all the way until the end. I am very thankful... to survive at it... I had a lot of up and down the first year... Just let the time heal you, I know how it hurts... I know that pain inside who do not want to go away, and I also had all the same questions as you have... Just take care of you, just remember he is fine now, he do not suffer anymore, he will be your angel now, he will protect you... just believe he is fine now and he is looking on you everyday... Take a good care of you. Everything will be okay for you with time... everything will be fine again one day.... My post will probablement do not help you at this moment but it is nice to know that we are not alone in this kind of situation .... Live one day at the time, time will heal you....for sure. Chokko.