Hi there, I join this club to find some answer, find some friends and find someone to talk to... I just need someone to talk to me .. maybe can  that can relate to my situation. ..My husband has been cheating on me( through internet !!!) with different women that he meet in the internet. Sending them gifts and money!!!.. Its been going like this for many years now.. We have been married for 9 years now with a 7 years old son... We have 4 children altogether...I raised his 2 daughters( now, ages 21 and 18) and i have a son in my previous marriage. The very first time i caught him with this woman from internet is that.. he told me its the way how he release, deal with his problem( his father was terminally ill that time).. we had a big arguments that brought us to marriage counselling and hhis personal counselling.. In my part i talked to my Pastor. So, that was settled.. But, i think once a cheater will always be a cheater!.. after just few month.. i caught him again.. Not that i caught him.. but, a woman whom he was been chatting( different one) emailed me and asked question regarding my relationship with my husband, etc. etc...Big arguments again..( i dont fight.. just very depressed, and just want to leave him..) but, once again... im thinking of my family.. my son specially. To make the story short.. 10 years now in counting that i have been dealing the same problem over and over again. For him, its nothing as he doesnt meet them physically .. so there is nothing wrong on what he is doing!.. the resason that he is doing it over and over again..,... I feel so betrayed, disrespected and insulted and i feel that my respect to him is no longer there...I think that what keeps me staying is that .. the thought of having another broken family.. I feel so bad about my son. .. i tried to just carry everything and trying to understand as much as i can.. But, i think there are times that deep inside of me is shouting.. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!I said to my self, i think i deserve someone who will be true to me... who will be loyal and be faithful... I am a good wife.. very caring, and hardworking. I have been loyal to him until this time.. faithfulness i s what i should say that i been looking from him...loyalty as a husband to his wife... If there is any one out here who can relate to this.. talk to me please... 
Hi Starsky. Cheaters are cheaters, and all reasons are good for them . For me cheating through Internet is also cheating. By the way, I think that Webcam sex is cheating even if people to not see or touch the other person in real life, but mayby I am wrong... :roll: Some people say it is not wrong, and they do not cheat.... :roll: So, I am probably old fashioned. :roll: You deserve better, much better. Yes, enough is enough, you will have to think about your situation. You deserve to be happy. Chokko. :)
Hello Starsky,

I doubt very much that your situation is very unique, and I believe since it is so easy to have an "affair" online these days it may be more common than we even imagine - unfortunately.

Men, especially if within your own age range still want to have "proof" about their masculinity and that they can still entice other women if they so desire.
To me this shows 2 important deficiencies in their (and your husbands) ability to truly understand and accept their commitment.
1) ... to really be aware of the seriousness that comes with a commitment to build and accept the responsibility for creating and nurturing a relationship, and ...
2) ,,, to realize and value the trust YOU have given as a partner in exchange for a similar contribution on his part.
I never cheated on my ex of 23 years, and truly can not see the point of such action unless some of the more important responsibilities of such a binding are not being filled by one or the other. Still, if such a situation were to exist between two people, a very serious consultation with an unbiased party or professional needs to be undertaken to clear the air. And such consultation should definitely include your more mature children.
If such or any other counselling does not bring the desired results, then there are just two choices left in my opinion:
Face the reality on hand - especially since you are still young - and try to look ahead and say to yourself if you want to continue in a relationship as a secondary partner, or make the decision to break and try to find happiness again on your own. I agree that it would be difficult to find someone new to accept and be responsible for children not of their own. And I need add that it is never of any benefit to the children involved to keep a compromised relationship alive just "for the sake of the kids", as the children will have a hard time not to become partial by trying to please both parents.

It will be much better and easier for them, especially if already mature enough to understand, to be in the care of just one or the other, providing they do have access to both. Kids definitely will suffer in an unhappy parent relationship that may affect their later life in a negative way if they live in an environment where both parents can not display harmony among themselves.

I know, its a tough call, but if YOU have given all to create happiness, you are entitled to nothing less in return.
I wish you well!
Cheers, sailor
Hello StarSky
I am a recent widow and trust me I understand your pain having been where you are myself. Only difference, my mate cheated with a real woman. I chose to stay in spite of it. I have paid the price and I can tell you it was not worth it in many ways. If he is cheating on the internet, the real thing is next. These kinds of things always start out small but blossom into the real thing eventually.Yes its very hard to raise children on your own but it may be better for you in other ways.But you and only you can make that decision weigh all your options then make your choice and don't look back.
Hi, I know exactly how you feel.  My husband cheated on the internet sending over £30k to different Rumanian girls.  he nearly made us bankrupt.  The plus side for me was him asking to separate, we had been married for 40 years, and I always thought we were happy.  However after the initial pain of separation and then divorce, I realised I was free.  Free to do what I wanted ( he had been a control freak) and make a new life for myself.  I eventually met a men, and got married.  Sadly he passed away last September, but we had 41/2 years together of pure happiness.  Another plus for me is my ex is now lumbered with a Rumanian 27 years his junior and they have a 2 yr old - my ex is 65 yrs old.  I do not envy him all the associated disruption.  So although I find life hard financially, i have survived. You will too.  Don't allow yourself to accept the situation.  He won't stop.  Be strong and good luck.  
I think the first question you should ask yourself is why stay. The second one is, what is this teaching my son. When you answer those two questions your next decision will be easy.
I am in the same situation as you are.  The only difference is there are no children involved.  My husband feels it is okay to talk and text a certain woman all day long as long as he doesn't do it from home.  The woman lives in WI and we are in P A.  He feels that as long as he comes home to me I shouldn't have a problem with it.  An emotional affair is the worst form of betrayal.  I would honestly have him tell me he had a one time sexual affair with her.  I could understand it, though it would still hurt.  But when my husband gets up in the morning and the first thing he does is text another woman, there is something wrong.  I was never the jealous type and am not jealous now.  It is disrespectful.  My son ( not with my husband) is now in his early 20s and has stopped talking to his stepfather as a result of his actions.  Sorry to say, I doesn't get any better.  I have moved into my own bedroom.  I miss the most important part of my marriage, affection.  If you have the finances, run now!
I am in a sort of same situation. 72 hours ago my husband said he wanted a divorce, 48 hours ago I found out he has been talking with a woman online for the past three months, while he was home unemployed and I was at work, supporting us. He is having a lot of medical problems and going through tests. He may have dementia, he is only 54. After we talked and cried and yelled he realized that I will be there for him and she won't. I asked him to cut off communications with her.
I asked him last night, he told me that they are now "just friends". They have never met in person, she is in minn. and he is la. But, the detrayal is the same.
You need to give your husband a choice, the internet or you. Then you will know what your next step will be.
A tiger can't change it's stripes. Hmmm...not sure about that. Many years a go I dated a girl whose best friend (15 yrs old with big boobs) came on to me while the girlfriend was away. I fell for it. Long story short, girlfriend walked in on us one morning and while I was in "mid-stroke" ...I will NEVER, EVER forget the look of pain and betrayal on her face and realizing IMMEDIATELY how bad it was and how much I had hurt her. - my action literally killed her emotionally for the rest of her life....for my selfish 10 minutes of pleasure. I had destroyed her life and her trust in other men in one fell swoop.

I will NEVER do that again...and have not, nor will I fall into that trap again. EVER. I pride myself now (and during my marriage) of doing the right, upstanding, loving thing.

Some people CAN change, regardless of what people say. I felt her pain. I felt my embarrassmentt. I had to change, stop being selfish and become a real man.

This was years ago....but it DID change me. I have a whole new respect for being faithful and I consider that paramount now, along with trust.

Hope this helps you understand where I'm coming from :)
Chokko, I empathize you are in a terrible situation however only you can fix it. The longer you remain the deeper you will slump into depression. At that point self doubt creeps in and you second guess your worth. I had been married to a lovely Indian woman who filled my life with pure joy. Then the accusations began. I would be at work in my office she would leave her job and storm past my secretary and accuse me of cheating with my female staff. I had been a school principal for several years, unmarried and still refrained from dallying with the staff. She cursed out store clerks, Wal Mart clerks, even the woman at my cleaners. We finally got her green card and a divorce after less than 2 years of marriage. went through all of that and like you never thought of my happiness. His infidelity is not your fault. Get out and live again.
I am currently separated from my husband for some of the same reasons.  Although my husband had been doing it for so many years it advanced from online to in person then orgies then men.  I had no idea I was married to a pornography/sex addict or as they are currently referred to, sexual-compulsive.  I understand your pain.  You need to get professional help for your self.  It is an emotional trauma discovering betrayal such as this.  You have to put your children first and decide what you want them to learn about being in a fulfilling relationship.  Because of the issues in my marriage I have gone back to school and have studied psychology and am working on my Masters in Social Work.  I hope to help spouses and families of traumas such as this.  Please take care of your self.
1) why would you want to stay with someone that thinks of other woman
2) you can be no good to your kids if you are not good to yourself
3) I am sure that your family knows so what are they thinking about you, what lessons are you teaching them, get out stand up for yourself, be strong, I know its easy for me to sit here behind this key board and make these statements but once you mustard the strength to leave and start your new life you will feel so much better and have new respect for yourself and your kids will look at you with more respect. If you keep taking this they will think this is what life is like and take it if they get into a bad relationship. For the sake of your sanity and their life lessons get out. Meeting someone new is not a priority right now you and your kids are, MOVE ON
Yeah, I have to agree with Stealth. There's not much of a future with someone like that. There will always be excuses. I was once with someone addicted to online dating sites. Even after he met me he continued to associate with other women. His excuse - HE wasn't contacting them, THEY were contacting HIM via the site. So we were engaged. Why did he even need to be on the site at all? Always an excuse and there always will be.
Breakups and Revenge

Revenge Your Ex

Each day hundreds of men and women seek revenge on their ex-mates for a
variety of reasons, usually because they got dumped or where cheated on.
Revenge comes in many ways. It typically starts by using social media to
vent, and then escalates from there. Now sites like "Get Revenge On Your Ex"
for a fee will help you get pay back or revenge.

So what is the best way to get revenge besides slashing her tires, posting
nude photos of her and so on.

The best way according to the web site Right Choices 101 is to live your
life well. This is true no matter who you are seeking revenge on. Coworkers,
past bosses, bad friends or ex-lovers. Put your energy into succeeding and
enjoying your life, not wasting your time, energy and resources on revenge
that can end up costing you much more. Plus, when you seek revenge, you send
them a massage that you have not gotten over the relationship. It's much
better to show you are indifferent and don't care.

According to Kenneth Agee of A Foreign Affair, a service that specializes in
helping men find young beautiful foreign women, "The best revenge is to date
or marry a women 10 years younger than your ex. This will piss her off to no
end. No woman ever wants to be replaced with a younger, more attractive
woman. Just like a man never likes to get replaced by a guy who is wealthier
or more successful.

I will never forget one of my first clients we took to Saint Petersburg,
Russia." says Agee, "The client told me that two days on our tour was better
than two years of therapy. Having hundreds of attractive women fighting over
you gets your ex out of your mind pretty quick.

I personally went through break up when my ex ran off with another man. But
a short time later, I met a new lady who was ten times better. I ran into
that man who stole my ex and I gave him a big thanks. In fact, I could not
thank him enough. He was stuck with an older nagging women, while I was now
with a young, beautiful, caring women. Plus, my ex had gained about 100
pounds. I don't look at that fellow as any kind of enemy but as the person
who saved me from my ex and years of suffering." This is the best a revenge
when you win without lowering yourself.

Other sites like "Get Over Her Now" give practical advice and tips for
getting over a past relationship.

Top Tips from Get Over Her Now:

Start making platonic relationships with as many women as possible, old,
young, skinny, fat, cute or ugly. This greatly helps you get back in the
game of socializing with the opposite sex. And it opens up lots
opportunities to meet their cute attractive friends in a more relaxed
environment. This also helps you build your game and confidence.

Improve yourself, start working out, get up early every day and exercise.

Buy new clothes. Dressing better makes you feel better and improves your

Focus on work and getting a promotion or raise. Don't let a break up effect
your work negatively. Put that extra effort into work and it will pay off
with a better position and more money. This will also build your confidence
and help attract better quality women.

Any time you are depressed, improving yourself helps greatly. When you feel
depressed, don't sit and watch TV and then sleep-in late. Get out and do
something that will make you feel like you've accomplished something. Take a
class, go hiking, fix something you've been putting off.

Don't start drinking. Drinking will always have a negative impact on your
life. Don't drink while depressed or when you are trying to get over some
one. After all, drinking is for celebrating. So if you are not celebrating
something, don't drink. A quality women is not going to be attracted to
someone who drinks a lot or has a drinking problem.

Don't sleep in; sleeping late increases depression. Get up as early as you
can and go for a walk, take a hike, or go to the Gym. Research shows getting
up early and exercising can eliminate depression. You will have no game be

Don't binge eat. If you start gaining weight, you will feel less self-worth
and lose your confidence. Confidence is a quality that women are extremely
attracted to.

Conclusion, the best revenge is when you improve your life so well that she
realizes she made a big mistake. And satisfaction comes when you meet
someone so much better, you are glad the ex is gone. After all, if you are
seeking revenge, how great could she really have been in the first place!
I understand your pain. I am now separated because of same problem you have. With the Internet and social media, it is very easy nowadays to cheat. The betrayal is so painful. My ex has an online affairs all along, since he have the smartphone. Emotional cheating is the hardest beyond sexual act they are doing on cam. Sickening.