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laughing Gwynnie..
yes, you have to grow  a thick skin very quickly when arriving  in internetland  
When I first started and very green, I soon learnt to research,the first site I joined and one of the biggest in the States was just riddled with scammers,so in a way I was really glad  I got a very quick lesson on what to look for as danger signs.
There is a reverse term for male golddiggers  looking for a woman with money hot....
A nurse with a purse :lol:
What can be off putting for women from other countries is that divorced men in the States & Canada have to pay their exes alimony until they die!!
Here we just split our assets and go our own way,total closure  
There is good and bad in everything, Jaffa, we just have to weed 'em out.

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Well Jaffa, it depends on how good of a lawyer you have, not every case the man has to pay their ex money until death, there are some cases that men don't pay a dime. But he does have to pay child support which I agree as the child/ren are his as well. If they own a house, then they have to split the cost, if one don't want to sell then that party has to come up with the money to pay their ex of their share of the money, but you have to be legally separated for two years other wise who ever stay at the home get the house in full.

There are gold digger in both gender, it what you have to watch out for if that isn't what you want, to be a gold digger or looking for one. :P
I think no dating site would  satisfy our wishes if we search for " right",or " the one" etc...
Friendship is a base for all kinds of human relationship and that we can achieve...if we are honest and open to other side, if we find enough to talk about....getting to know each other slowly.
Than everything else might be possible but doesn't have to...
Sparks will appear or wound't ..that's on us.. individually 
I think a lot of it is about having realistic expectations.  A lot of people seem to think it's the magic site that will find them that 'perfect' person that they wouldn't normally find through traditional means. 
Mustangsally
I do strongly believe you can have much better look in someone soul over the Internet..  not immediately  of course, ....but over time...after hundreds, ...thousands  of  different topics.. you just know this person much better ,much deeper ...and for that level to be achieved in real life  we need  a year or more...
Because in real life  eye to eye meeting ...body language, physical appearance, eyes  can mess with our judgments  and we  watch more and listen them less..
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p.s sorry on my English.. If you found some weird construction of my sentences ....English is not my native, but I hope its understandable what I want to say ?  :-)
bobozg
Your English is very good, I am sure we all understand you very well, congratulations. I do not agree with you though, that you can get to know someone quicker on the internet I believe that body language and eye contact can tell you a lot. Also someone's facial expression when they are talking. It is easier to see if they are sincere or not. The tone of voice too is very important. You should always listen to the one you are with, it is easier and quicker to cover a lot of subjects using actual speech.
That is not to say that you cannot find love or friendship on the internet, just that I personally do not think it is easier.
I am nor here to find love, just friendship and someone to pass the time with and laugh with.
I wish you success in your search. I hope you find happiness in Ireland. Good luck. :)
bobozg wrote: Mustangsally
I do strongly believe you can have much better look in someone soul over the Internet..  not immediately  of course, ....but over time...after hundreds, ...thousands  of  different topics.. you just know this person much better ,much deeper ...and for that level to be achieved in real life  we need  a year or more...
Because in real life  eye to eye meeting ...body language, physical appearance, eyes  can mess with our judgments  and we  watch more and listen them less..
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p.s sorry on my English.. If you found some weird construction of my sentences ....English is not my native, but I hope its understandable what I want to say ?  :-)

I SO disagree with that theory.  You can email somebody and what do you know about them?  You don't even know for sure it's the person in the picture. Personally,  I'd rather email once or twice and then have coffee. Meeting eye to eye and body language can tell you a lot more about a person in 20 minutes than 100 emails. For instance if while we're talking he's ogling every woman who walks by him, I don't want him. When you first meet, you should at least make an effort to be interested in what the other person is saying.

I "met" a man on another site. We emailed back and forth every day for a week. He lived 45 min away. When I suggested we go for coffee, he vanished and I never heard from again.  I think I saved myself  a lot of time there. Any thoughts?
 
bobozg wrote: ... I do strongly believe you can have much better look in someone soul over the Internet..  not immediately  of course, ....but over time...after hundreds, ...thousands  of  different topics.. you just know this person much better ,much deeper ...and for that level to be achieved in real life  we need  a year or more...
Because in real life  eye to eye meeting ...body language, physical appearance, eyes  can mess with our judgments  and we  watch more and listen them less.


I understand what you're trying to say bobozg. I met my guy in a chat room. It was honesty and friendship first, but we did meet in person within a month of meeting online.

If two people spend time talking to each other every day you Can get to know that person. It makes for a uniquely strange but comfortable hug the first time you meet in real life only because you feel you already know them quite well as a person.

What you don't know after a year of talking about 1000 different topics is whether you would actually be physically attracted to an online 'friend' you've grown close to and now think you might want to be in love with. So I'm all in for meeting the actual person.

I'm sensing you might express yourself much better in writing than the spoken word? I know I do.

I could be wrong.
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Jocean  yes.. you are right.. when I write .. I have enough time to think about  my next word.. :-)
but in live speaking there is no  that "buffer"  time :-)

 of course.. logical and natural  sequence of two of you talking over the  net.. is to finally meet  each other and than all of connections you two made.. has to be tested in reality..
Than you both rise or fall... if there is no sparks ...but as  much you know about each other .. and love  their  faults.....love his  personality.... .physical attraction become less important  right?
I mean .. if  you ask me now... whom I would love to find...
I will tell you " hmmmmm  40 y.old , big boobs, nice face... slim body ...:-)
But If I fall in love in women  personality... her jokes.. her mind.. her way of dealing with some situations..
I would not mind if she has 20 pounds more, 10 years more or she is just average  looking , or have small tits :-)))
I would love her mind and personality more than my imaginary model :-)
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 Mustangsally
  you overlooked  my words ........  (after hundreds or thousands topics  ) :-)
that's a lot different from "after  1-2 mail "
well. I do speak from my experience also  ..:-))
Hm....but  it would be very hard for me to explain my position :-)

lets say this way..
everybody can lie...but usually peoples can lie more easily when you are in direct communication.. with them.(in direct  messages or in live talk in pub or during the walk at the park) ..
because ..in that moment they are concentrated on you.. and they recall everything they said to you before.... so his  story is harmonized.

 but when they talk about usual everyday  stuff , giving their opinion in  in communication with other peoples they are who they are for real.
let say here on forum....he is not concentrated on you..you are not here.. but he is...
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 he told you in cafe bar  " I love dogs "  ..and make  sweet loving face when he talks about dogs...
but let say here in topic at the forum about pets .. some pet lower  said " uh my dog took a dump on the carpet but he has so sad look, I can sow a guilt in his eyes and I wasn't able to be angry at him"...........
HE comes on that topic (you are offline and he is bored.. ) .... read this post and say..." you really keep your dog inside the house? are you nuts?  all this bacteria and dirt they bring in house will make you ill"
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see the difference between his real personality and  what he say who he is? 
there is a hundreds situation like this  where he can  slip and fall  and not be aware  of this fall.
but when he is with you..he can talk to you what he thinks you want to hear...with a cute smile on his face  
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so that is what I am talking about ....direct talk may be full of intentional misleading ...but his usual behavior, reactions... opinions in many different topic.. will tell you who he is really .
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or another script.......... 
 he may tell you once  twice or all the time he love dogs.... 
but when you talk about  lets say incident you sow...about car hitting the dog on the road... he will go on  another topic.. ( he is not interested to hear this story)
another week when you tell him that  you read about some experiments conducted  on dogs..he say.. " better on them than on us right?
 another month you will ask him what type of dog he would love to have at home? he say.. hm...didnt think much about that... what type you will like?? "

again.. in direct talk he can lie.. but in many different topics which are totally disconnected his  personality will be shown even he is not aware of that.

uh ...I made science of that :-)))))))))) 
it's 3 a.m over here.. good night...... see you tomorrow :-) 
joceann
about  writing and talking live  ..
I see...... you meant on type of personality ? 
I made wrong answer because I thought you ask me about my  knowledge of English :-))

  
Mustangsally wrote: I "met" a man on another site. We emailed back and forth every day for a week. He lived 45 min away. When I suggested we go for coffee, he vanished and I never heard from again.  I think I saved myself  a lot of time there. Any thoughts?
 


His behavior suggest you were right  .:-)
but. 1 week is too soon I think.( for me at least)
We can meet a lot of people online  but  calling all of them out, after just a week ,would be too much to take....I would rather be sure  the person I talk with interesting me that much that I am eager to meet her . in person, eye to eye.
I disagree:

" everybody can lie...but usually peoples can lie more easily when you are in direct communication.. with them "

It's so much easier to lie in an email than face to face because when you are right there, they have to look you in the eye.  I can sit here right now and tell you I'm a 25-year-old woman with blonde hair and big boobs and I'm a fashion model and I can tell you that in an email 1,000 times, but after a year when you meet me (assuming I even meet you all) and I'm a 60-year-old brunette, what happens then?   Oops, MY bad?  

And it's not physical attraction for me because everybody has a certain energy they give off and that's what I'm attracted to. I just feel that if you're close enough that you can meet in person, then why not just do it, get it over with, and avoid spending weeks and even months. 

I had a friend who had a roommate that I would talk to a lot when I would phone and we hit it off like gangbusters. For probably six months we talked on the phone. When we finally met, I found he was an ass. He drank while driving and there was just nothing there.

 Could have saved myself a whole lot of time there not to mention the disappointment.
 
and  continuing sentence is... " (in direct messages or in live talk in pub or during the walk at the park) .
:-(  
It's not fair you to  take a part of my text out of concept and say... this is or isn't true :-( 
I said ..  in direct communication inside priivate messages(internet)  OR in pub, restaurants...(live) is easier to for peoples to lie  but in indirect  communication is much harder..to lie and easier to spot a lie

please read all or nothing :-(
example..
If I say " I hate black people being  discriminated"
 you take out   " I hate black people "  and quote me....and  than  say .." bobo you are a rasist ."
See?
 if you have good intention you will read all my text...
 
"but usually peoples can lie more easily when you are in direct communication.. with them.(in direct messages or in live talk in pub or during the walk at the park) .. because ..in that moment they are concentrated on you.. and they recall everything they said to you before.... so his story is harmonized."

Nope, sorry, that's exactly what you said. People can lie more easily when you are communicating directly with them because they are concentrated on you and they recall everything they said to you before. Where they do it, i.e. pub, walk in the park or whatever is a moot point.

And I disagree. When they are writing an email, they can take the time to read it over and make sure it's exactly what they want to say whereas if they're right in front of you, they have to be more careful of what they say and how they say it.

We will just have to agree to disagree on that one. A person who is lying will have a harder time looking you in the eye unless they're really good at it. Everybody has their preferred way of meeting somebody. I prefer the direct approach.  It's whatever works for you.