New here, and new to being single.  Quick history: I only dated a couple times my freshman year in college, married after college, have two kids.  I was in a mairrage I was not happy in for 28 years(well the first 10 years were fine), after my kids were out on their own I asked for a divorce to become single and maybe meet that special someone to share the rest of my life with.  There is of course much more to this marraige, but too long to go into.  That's just the basics to keep this post short.

So amazingly after my seperation/divorce in the past three years I have been in three relationships, first one very short, I was not comfortable with her and I was not ready yet.  The second, I fell in love with, a woman my age but she had never been married before. For a year we had a very good relationship, I stayed over every weekend.  Then I think she felt over committed and she backed away, may of been because I said "I love you" and that was too much for her.  We struggled for another year, but she just wanted to be friends and I was looking for more, so I chose to leave.

Currently, I met a wonderful woman who I really, really like, am very comfortable with, she is very attractive to me and I love her personality, and we have been dating once a week for about 8 months.  She had an original mairrage for 9 years, two grown children, then a somewhat chaotic mid life, then cancer.  She is a survivor on 4th year remision.  She had a second marraige to a substance abuser that she was in love with, he died more than a year ago.

So my problem, I just have doubts that she is "in to me".  I am also afraid to push too much, mainly because of my previous experience.  She says tha she wants to go slow.  I am OK with that and I think she needs time because of her previous relationship dying and her cancer, those were both very tramatic life events.  However I feel that I am just here to be a weekly date, I only met her parents after 7 months.  She only invited me to her church once and then since even though I politely implied I would like to again.  Almost like she is not letting me into her life.  Is this another woman who just does not want a committment?  Am I right or wrong for not pushing?  I am gun shy from my last relationship, she may want me to tell her I am falling in love with her but I do not want to doom this relationship like I have have done the last.  Or the last may of not been my fault at all.  Or am I just not finding the right person.  This is all on top of the fact that I am a complete "noob" at dating.  I have tried asking her out more often, but get politely rejected.  She asked me over for Thanksgiving, and later that day offered to have me stay over, then politely withdrew the offer.  Very confusing!

So, being inclinded to paranoia, I am preparing myself for another rejection in the near future.  I want to commit to someone, but try not to push the other person to that if that's not what they want, yet I need more than just an occasional date. 
Any help or advice as to what I may be doing right or wrong is most appreciated. 
Thank you for all the reads. My feelings were correct unfortunately, that she just was not wanting a serious, committed relationship with me. I initiated the conversation (backed her into a corner?), but I need reciprocation of my feelings, and it was not there. Nine months is long enough and if she is not ready for me I don't think I can keep hoping for another nine months. I agreed to be friends and maybe get together from time to time, but I know I now need to begin the tortuous routine of breaking away and trying to move on.
Hi sibelius,I have read your story with great interest but in fairness nine months is not that long to get to know someone, I mean truly get to know that person, everyone is different how they want to move things along. but this lady has had a lot to deal with, I think she wants to be sure before  she makes a commitment. if you really like this lady give her some more time. but if you feel you need to move on and try looking for someone else. then ask your self why ? do you think you are being a bit impatient. sometimes things are worth waiting for. but you must do what you think is best for you. good luck to you and I do hope you find what you are looking for  x
sibelius22 wrote: the tortuous routine


You should try to get 'quitting a lost cause' down to a science, sir. Understanding women is like understanding particle physics. The plethora of particles. You got your light ones and your heavy ones...up and down...strange as hell...the anti-particles that can destroy you, if you're not careful...'cause they just go up in a *flash* with any contact...charmed ones and definitely not charmed, and like neutrinos - which come in flavors or types - as the seconds tick...women can change their natures. First they are one thing...then they are another...rather incomprehensible thing.

Best thing to do is to not spend a lot of time wondering what's wrong with you, or your approach, just because the experiment went wrong.

Even the most jaw-dropping experiment with a woman - whoa! - should make you think (relatively early on!) let's shut this thing down. Do not assume that the pachinko parlor of "women today" makes sense.

Check out the oriental parlor game pachinko. It's just steel balls flying around behind glass making noise. There is no point to it, other than it eats up your money.

That's maybe a better analogy to women than subatomic physics and quantum mechanical...who knows, it's all probabilistic...I'd need Erwin Schrödinger's maximized brain to figure out a woman...and unfortunately, I'm not that smart. Feynman diagrams - particles moving ever so weirdly backward in time - make more sense to me.

My advice is: don't spent months doubting yourself. Do what physicists do when a superconducting magnet starts smoking and goes wonk wonk wonk and breaks. Let's shut that thing down.
Rod___ wrote:
sibelius22 wrote: the tortuous routine


You should try to get 'quitting a lost cause' down to a science, sir. Understanding women is like understanding particle physics. The plethora of particles. You got your light ones and your heavy ones...up and down...strange as hell...the anti-particles that can destroy you, if you're not careful...'cause they just go up in a *flash* with any contact...charmed ones and definitely not charmed, and like neutrinos - which come in flavors or types - as the seconds tick...women can change their natures. First they are one thing...then they are another...rather incomprehensible thing.

Understanding men isn't that easy either, so it is a two way street for both gender. It is wise not to say anything about either gender?
Trust a woman to say: don't talk about us, hey. Especially not with humor. :-)
:lol:
On first reading Sibelius, I thought I had something to say, then I read Rod's contribution, I ended up laughing so hard, I almost pissed in my shoes. The problem is Rod, I'm thinking that you will have a limited audience in this forum, but well done ol' son...I loved it.
The guy needed some support, and you two guys just think its funny to bring women down. are you both that immature. not every woman is the same nor is every man.while you two to think its a bit of fun, did you both  not stop to think how women may react to your comments. we do not need another battle of the sexes to start up again. but you already know, you can never win, when it comes women   :lol:    
Someone told me that these two men need depends before their shoes are filled with you know what.
These men think they are superior of man kind, they only think of themselfs and no respect for either gender.

They neglect to think of themselves that they think it is funny to bring the female gender down, where as they are only bringing themselves down further than they are bring us down, they hit bottom rock hard before we fall down into that pit that they dug for themselves. When they talk about female like this, it means that they have a small mind.

They use fancy words to empower us that we don't need their fancy words, fancy words belong to the concert hall or ballet dancing or opera house, this site is neither.
Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies.  You ain't gonna get hitched that way.  :lol:
Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies. You ain't gonna get hitched that way.

Seriously, Ladies are just stating a fact me inclusive. We are not saying all men just some men think they are superior to us; however, we are all equal whether they like it or not. 

Besides by putting us down only shows their true colors and if they want to be ignored keep it up! :x
stardaisy wrote: Someone told me that these two men need depends before their shoes are filled with you know what.
These men think they are superior of man kind, they only think of themselfs and no respect for either gender.

They neglect to think of themselves that they think it is funny to bring the female gender down, where as they are only bringing themselves down further than they are bring us down, they hit bottom rock hard before we fall down into that pit that they dug for themselves. When they talk about female like this, it means that they have a small mind.

They use fancy words to empower us that we don't need their fancy words, fancy words belong to the concert hall or ballet dancing or opera house, this site is neither.


Yes Daisy you sock it to them......some men need to be put in their place.  They string a few intellectual words around and feel they are superior to us.....what a joke!  :lol:
TruckDriver wrote: Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies.  You ain't gonna get hitched that way.  :lol:


I guess you are one of those guys that join this group who put women down? Sound like it to me, we have no problem with real men, men who are gentlemen, who treat woman with great respect. :wink:
Wait - stardaisy has a boyfriend?

(for you, candle) :lol:
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