Service and Support

This is the place to discuss the ‘dating game‘ or ‘dating reality", falling in love the second time again, what ‘romance" means to you and why some great friendships never meant to be a ‘relationship".

Postby heyjk60 » 31.08.2017, 22:33

I have been debating this question with a friend of mine for years. When we fall in love, is it because we make a conscious choice to love the other person or is it something that we have no control over and are helpless with the situation?
Avatar
heyjk60
 
Posts: 20

Postby Sara2101 » 01.09.2017, 14:59

I don't believe we have any choice in who we fall in love with. I'd like to think if I'd had a choice I wouldn't have unilaterally fallen for the biggest waste of space in the known universe and then stuck by him for longer that I'd have got for being a serial killer. Luckily for me he did enough to kill my love for him eventually.

Love is something that hits you when you least expect it and in some of the strangest circumstances. No matter what your brain tells you, your heart does its own thing; skips a beat when you just see their name, dies a thousand deaths every time you're parted and generally makes a normally rational person totally irrational whenever they try to think clearly.

Real love is definitely worth the risk though because it also makes you feel special, protected and generally at ease with the world. I truly believe there's nothing finer than the feeling of loving someone and being loved in return.
Avatar
Sara2101
online
 
Posts: 8

Postby xXdarlyXx » 03.09.2017, 17:36

My answer to this question is different now at (mumbled age) than it would have been in my 20s. At this point in my life.....after a good deal of battle scars & the healing of a dinged up spirit....& the wisdom that comes with living through an unhealthy relationship my answer is that it's both. I believe that that wonderful, amazing, "omg this is the most amazing person ever!!" feeling that we get initially as we fall helplessly through a field of flowers & rainbows is our heart choosing on its own who we fall in love with. Now, in my 20s, that was enough for me to commit myself to that person for life & we would just figure out how to deal with marriage, spirituality, how we wanted to raise our children, etc., etc., down the road....whenever! Because who wants to let reason come in & mess up the rainbows &; fireworks of that high we get when we're falling in love!? Well, for one, ME IN MY FIFTIES!!! I think that sometimes we can't help who we fall in love with.... But we can - & >should< - choose who we are going to spend our life with. There's where the wisdom I've gained through the school of hard knocks kicks in. I had the rose colored glasses knocked off of my face & crushed into the dirt by a couple of people that I "couldn't help it I was in love with!". Now, at this wonderful stage in my life? I will not allow myself to spend a week in a committed relationship with someone that doesn't cherish me in return...let alone a life time commitment. And - I would want to know that my partner is wise enough to do the same.

So...I don't think we choose who we love... But, if we're smart, who we commit ourselves to ..is a choice.
Avatar
xXdarlyXx
 
Posts: 13

Postby Graham1 » 03.09.2017, 19:18

Wise words Darly! In short don't let your heart rule your head!
Avatar
Graham1
admin
 
Posts: 4491

Postby heyjk60 » 03.09.2017, 20:14

But sometimes in life I think we need to let go and follow our hearts.
Avatar
heyjk60
 
Posts: 20

Postby Mariposa61 » 03.09.2017, 23:48

The " I love you " word is becoming a cliché . Oftentimes , people say.... I love you and don't mean it . Its just at the tip of their tongue. The meaning of Love is deeper than that..... deeper than the ocean and sea.
If we are talking about Love towards the opposite sex..... then for me, its a choice. I don't fall in love easily because he is Tall , Dark and Handsome. Love takes sometime to mature. I have to differentiate Love and Infatuation or just merely getting attracted to a man.

We are not living in Fantasy land..... this world is all Reality ! I don't see a " Knight in a shining armour " that has come to rescue me. I have to rescue myself first !
At my age, I've gained some Wisdom from good and bad experiences in life. So.... I am getting Wiser ( although I already lost one of my Wisdom Tooth ! ) LOL ....... !
Avatar
Mariposa61
 
Posts: 21

Postby xXdarlyXx » 04.09.2017, 10:03

Graham... I would have hated that "don't let your heart rule your head" saying in my younger years!

Don't get me wrong... I miss my rose colored glasses!! I was a proud wearer of them! If there was club for those who wore them I would have gladly been the leader. I'm angry they were stripped of me.... because my innocence was taken along with them. There are some that are able to keep them their whole life & never experience a bad relationship as a result of not weighing every aspect before entering a commitment. They are truly blessed. They are the minority though. Unfortunately, many if us have a history that teaches us bad things can happen to good people. That knowledge & having fewer years ahead of me than behind me...is what makes me weigh everything before entering a committed relationship. I don't want to be another 10 years down the road & be grieving over another lost decade. I want to be looking back & smiling over my cup of coffee at a man that has spent the last decade treating me like I've treated him....like gold.

The child in me is still very much alive. Fortunately I didn't lose her with the rose colored glasses. I just don't let her make this decision for me.
Avatar
xXdarlyXx
 
Posts: 13

Postby antonious » 05.09.2017, 19:56

Hi Darly, there's another old saying..............".It's better to have loved and lost,
Than never to have loved at all"...............................
Even with All the experience,wisdom and logic, a romantic like yourself and many others of us, want to relive that delicious stupid -silly all consuming feeling with someone again.It's highly unlikely, but we can only try and who knows we might get lucky. :wink: Tony.
Avatar
antonious
 
Posts: 75

Postby heyjk60 » 06.09.2017, 1:21

Agree. I was lucky in love once in my life, so do not expect it to ever happen again. However, even though I am accused of logic ruling my life too much, the one place I throw logic to the wind is when it comes to love. It worked out well the first time I did. Besides, I really had no choice.
Avatar
heyjk60
 
Posts: 20

Postby Georgygirl2 » 12.09.2017, 5:24

 

I never believed in love at first site, and certainly not in love unseen! After losing my husband to cancer after over 40 years of marriage, I have come to realize that I was wrong. Indeed, love at first site does exist, love unseen even more ...
It was over a year since the death of my husband when I "met" a man online. We would text and talk on the phone often, revealing our innermost thoughts and feelings to each other....sight unseen, we loved everything about each other. I fell in love with this man's heart....and found myself thinking about him much of the time. He has a wonderful voice....I love hearing him speak. We met after four months...and 
it served to cement my feelings. It has been almost four years now, and though our relationship may never grow any closer, I am thrilled to know and experience a love like never before. For reasons unsaid, if we ever get together, it will be quite a love story! So, yes! Love at first sight  and love unseen are very real and glorious.
Why am I on this site? I am still alone most of the time, and selfishly want to  protect my heart from being broken.
Avatar
Georgygirl2
 
Posts: 1

Postby Mariposa61 » 12.09.2017, 19:38

Hi Georgygirl2 !
Still has a Heart of a girl ! It's nice to know you have experienced the so called LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT . I wish I did ! ( Ooops !... maybe in my High School days. ) It must be beautiful, wonderful, magnificent and exciting feelings ! Remember Frank Sinatra's Song?
" Love Is A Many Splendored Thing ..... Two Lovers Kissed and The World Stood Still.....
Then His Fingers Touched My Silent Heart and Taught Me How To Sing.........."

I am impressed and have appreciated your Honesty to have shared with us your innermost feelings towards this Man. I must say, " He missed the Boat ." You have such a big Heart to have loved him despite you're not sure if you will be together. It's been like 4 years already...................

As for me...... I don't know if I can wait. I'll just probably tell him to Take A Hike !!!
Avatar
Mariposa61
 
Posts: 21
Reply with quote


Return to Partnership and Love

cron