Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife,
43, who was looking for some hot action!

So I sent her my ironing.
That'll keep the her busy.

______________________________

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

______________________________

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak

______________________________

Since the snow started all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

_____________________________

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

_____________________________

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.

The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

_____________________________

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat.
That's a lot.

Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month:
time to change supplier I think.

_____________________________

2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes..

I think they were your Hovis Witnesses.


David
:lol: :lol: