Hi – I’m kind of curious about how others feel about “later in life” relationships.

When we were younger we were looking for a mate, someone that we would spend the rest of our lives with, have children with, have fun and romance with, grow old with. In a lot of cases this didn’t work out quite the way we wanted and we ended up alone. That dreaded word “alone”…

So here we are, whether because of a divorce or a loss, once more “looking” for something to carry us into the next parts of our lives. How do we define this something? No longer looking for someone to be a parental unit with, your life expectancy is diminished by, at best; half of what it was before. In many cases we are essentially starting over from the beginning, whether due to circumstances, nasty divorce, readjustment of incomes, support payments if your children are still young. How do you figure out what you want in that someone else that may or may not appear in your life? Do we even know?

As much as we all say that we are ready to start again with a new person, we all have had major life experiences and in a lot of cases we don’t ever want “something” to happen again. Can you close that part of your life off from affecting the next? No expectations from the next significant other that may enter your life; really is this true? I think we have more expectations then ever at this stage of our lives. We have definite wants and needs and many of us can’t even really put our fingers on exactly what it is.

Do we really want to have children at 50? Do we want someone that is younger than us by more than 20 years? Do we want to live and breathe another person? Do we want to share our spaces that we have created since our loss/divorce? And if we do – why?

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated…
How do I feel about "later in life" relationships?

What relationships? Later in life means no relationships. The fear of being alone for the rest of my life has set in and that's scarey.

:shock:
I think people should wait awhile after one relationship has ended before entering another.  Give yourself a chance to heal and find out what you want out of life.  What can you accept?  What are you absolutely against?  Can you compromise?  Let's face it, partnerships are often a form of compromise.  We are all different.  Hopefully we can laugh off some of the annoying things a partner might do.  Remember the positives, forget the negatives.  Don't sweat the small stuff, as the saying goes. ( Of course, not talking about abuse situations or cheating, etc.)  Just the everyday things, you know, leaving dishes on the table, socks on the floor, toothpaste cap off.

We want companionship I think too.  Someone to let us know "It's going to be alright".  Someone to share with happy times and sad times.  Someone to be there when we need them, and we be there when they need us.  I like being alone, but it is different from being lonely.  Some need more contact than others, some are quite fine on their own.  Which are you? 
Having a relationship in life is hard but not impossible-I have been with someone on and off for eight y ears and we have certainly had many problemsI found the best thing is to remember you cant change a person and them you .no one likes to be alone in the later years -life seems to be based on couples -our family have the right to live their lifes the way the want- we all have all made the wrong turns in our lives.
After thirty years of marriage I have now been alone for almost two. I'm actually ok with being alone...what I miss is being part of a couple. Having that someone who is always there for you no matter what, and you always have each others back. That's what I miss the most.
Yes, reaching mid-life and starting over makes one look back and then ahead. I'd like to think I know myself better now than I did in my 20s. There are things I would never again do for love. After relationships 17 yearsand 10-years and a 5-year long distance relationship, I have spent 3 years on my own. While it was a lonely adjustment, it has been good for me. I have taken the time to do 'postmortems', so to speak. What did I like? What is a deal-breaker for me? What imperfections am I willing to accept in exchage for having mine accepted? How can I get my emotional/social needs met without having a partner, not to mention sexual needs? This time alone has allowed me to explore those questions. I have learned to enjoy my own company. I have learned that I am lovable and that I do not need to purchase love with my body, my time, my money, etc. I have learned that no partner can satisfy all of my needs, that I am responsible for my own happiness and well-being. That being said, it is lovely to "walk beside" someone compatible in life. A good partner seems to double joys and half sorrows. I'm willing to wait some more for someone really special. I now know that I am special too. No longer interested in band-aid relationships. :D
There are so many of us who have had failed relationships and we lose confidendence in our judgement of someone that we feel something for. We don't want to be alone, we have to desire to have a special person in our live that makes us feel that bloom of romance again, we never outgrow that feeling. The fear of rejection does make us hold back. I dont want to be afraid or alone anymore. Please dont be afraid to contact someone who strikes your interest.
deltadiva wrote: There are so many of us who have had failed relationships and we lose confidendence in our judgement of someone that we feel something for. We don't want to be alone, we have to desire to have a special person in our live that makes us feel that bloom of romance again, we never outgrow that feeling. The fear of rejection does make us hold back. I dont want to be afraid or alone anymore. Please dont be afraid to contact someone who strikes your interest.


If it should make you feel better, you are not alone thinking that way., I feel the exact same way.

I do not know if there is a way of fixing things, for the moment after several cups of coffee, and dinners, I am still alone, but not that uncomfortable to accept anything or anywhone passing their way.

So I keep looking around, but I am not desperate.

Good luck Delta
I have been alone for 3 years or so.  I also retired 3 years ago.  My job had been very stimulating and my colleagues and the work crammed my life and thoughts with so much to interest me and also provided a fun social life.  At that time I was also living with a younger man.  Then...Boom...it all came to a grinding halt.   I live in a lovely house with a garden.  Up to two weeks ago, I had two dogs.  One has just died from cancer and I now have a pining, depressed dog to care for.  This has been a wake up call to my situation and I now realise that my life is pretty empty. I felt so alone when grieving for my dog and it's in these moments of crisis that being on your own makes you realise what is missing in life.  I have a lot to be happy about with two grown up daughters and a 93 year old loving Mum but I feel the need of intellectual stimulation/company.  I have joined all the village social life but still have to find something more.   How do you find this missing link?  Do you go looking for it or sit and wait for it to happen?.  Do you take up an Open University Course?  Join an art class?   Christmas has been another eye opener.  I have a rotten ex and a nasty sister in law, both of whom I never see but their vindictive action at this time of year has, in my mind, has affected me rather badly but in reality should not worry me at all as they don't matter.  To me this is another symptom of not having enough good things to occupy me.  50+ club has made me realise how many of us in our 50's and 60's are alone.  Any of you in the Bedfordshire area of the UK want to meet up?  :D
Well, I've gotten out of a relationship 6 months ago so right now I just want a good friend to spend time with and get to know for coffee, movies, dinner. I don't want to jump right into another relationship. I've been divorced for 13 years now from my ex husband. I have a great 23 year old son.
I think you have to be very clear with yourself about what your wants and needs are -- and they ARE different! After 40+ years of marriage and caring for a disabled spouse, I need someone who believes that intimacy can be a variable and not a prescription to fix something. (Intimacy goes well beyond sex at our ages!) And you have to know how much you are willing to compromise to get what you want/need. Having a partner means returning to the world of compromise and if you have been alone for a while, even if it was a negative experience, remind yourself of the times when you had fun picking curtains on your own without considering someone else's taste. All of those little things can become big things if you haven't thought it through.
For me, I can't hope for a Romance, a possible friendship perhaps, but, not a Romance. It wouldn't be fair of me, for one, due to a blood Cancer, just couldn't think of allowing that to happen, second, I'm not much to look at. For others, I do believe it exists and if all eyes are wide open going in, then a Happy one can be had for both.
The older, more mature, the Better! 8)
I had a double transplant 9 years ago. While I was in hospital my wife left me,. I didn't say this to gain sympathy it is simply the way it was.. 9 years later Im healthy and happy..Started dating again and I have met some of the most wonderful people. If you have someone new in your life do not expect them to pay for what happened before..Stop looking for some to make your life better.Think what you are doing to add to their life.
I have had 2 serious relationships in my life, and I believe there are certain elements to relationships that are generic. After my first relationship ended, I was very depressed and lonely for over 10 years. I met another woman and got married to her and the elements I am referring to were satisfied and was happy again. Things like companionship/partnership, building a future together, sharing the burdens life puts forth. That relationship ended despite our bliss, and I find myself yearning to fill those voids again. I find it depressing to be alone, and want to enter a relationship with a level headed woman who won't get all bogged down with emotional 'crap', and can focus on the benefits of being a couple. I guess I could sum it up by saying I think emotions/love are for teenagers. When you get to be our age, I think its best to be pragmatic. My $0.02.