Gosh, I naively believed that it would be easier to parent my kids once they were grown but it has proved even more challenging! Words of hope and comfort and wisdom are appreciated...also any stories of how you got through the "terrible twenties".
personally I learned to let go? You should not have to parent adults (unless they have mental disabilities), even then try to parent them in as much of an age appropriate way as possible.
My big thing in life is personal responsibility- they as adults should be responsible for their choices and actions, just as I am with mine. You cannot control how someone else behaves, just how you react to it? If they come to mom with problems, listen, give objective advice if you wish and then it is down to them?
Just think back to when you were their age and how you felt in respect of how you wanted to be with your parents
Both my kids left home at 18, my Son to go to university  & my Daughter to live with her partner.
A lot of kids are married and/or have children by their 20's so are adults who should be responsible & respectful by then... Let go, it hurts that your babies are all grown up but it has to happen, right :roll:  
I was a workaholic when my 2 kids moved out. I seldom took time off to come home to the empty nest syndrome. Now I am home taking care of my 26 year old son who has moved home being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. This is heart breaking to watch. I never know if I am doing the proper thing. I could really use some advice on this if any one else is going through a similar situation?
Thank you
I did not know you parented children, now adults, that had complete abilities to govern themselves. I look at my job not as parenting, but being available when needed, when asked, when sought out, or just as support over a choice made. By the age of 14, 99.9 percent of your parenting is over. By this age they know your values, your belief system and then they choose what they will follow. We hope they follow what we have taught them. The rest, till adulthood is fine tuning. But parenting an adult who can govern themselves, is a fantasy. I think they just indulge us. LOL
Laurie
I think parenting is the wrong word when your children are grown up but its good if you can be there for them when they need your help whether it is for financial or health reasons.
Campfiregypsy wrote: I was a workaholic when my 2 kids moved out. I seldom took time off to come home to the empty nest syndrome. Now I am home taking care of my 26 year old son who has moved home being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. This is heart breaking to watch. I never know if I am doing the proper thing. I could really use some advice on this if any one else is going through a similar situation?
Thank you

You are wonderful to take care of your son. I know it is not easy. He will need support. I'm sure you do your best ... When we do our best to help those we love, we do never regret because we know that we do the best that we can... Sometimes, however, we can not all done alone and we need help, support and listening. Go get the help you need, find support and listening. Learn about the disease so you will know what to do ... and what not to do ... Take care... Chokko
Good advice Chokko. :)
Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately where I live there aren't any support groups or therapy. Reaching out on line to anyone with a loved one their precious child coping with a mental illness. Your words & thoughts are a blessing.
Jessy wrote: Good advice Chokko. :)

Thanks Jessy! :)
I also have a son with the same mental health challenge as your son. Everyday is a challenge. So what is my advise. Don't hide your situation from anyone. Look to family and friends for help. If your son is like mine he denies there is anything wrong. Of course with his mental health comes other problems. Drugs and drinking usually are par for the course. One time when my son called the police because of his paranoia (he was having an episode) the cop said that's his world and walked away. Helpless yes, hopeless no. You just have to live with him as he is and when he is having a moment tell him that he is dreaming. It sometimes works for my son; If you have any suggestions for me that would be great. My son moved out to BC to be close to his children and now the havoc is out there. Out of my sight yes, but out of mind. Not on your life. It just means bizzare phone calls.
Good Morning Mary Violet,

May we communicate? drrob at robertscullion dot c o m

Rob
Hello everybody in this topic chat room for adult children, and how many seem to feel they are a burden. Well, I am from USA, and like some of the asian and middle eastern ethnic groups, our lil family stuck it out together as an extended family system.

 And when mom and dad got over the age of 60 or so my brother and I came back home and helped mom and dad out.

 Shopping, driving, coloring Easter Eggs with them over the holidays for fun, building bird houses with dad and his older Irish friend using their lovely Irish minds to help the bird feeder become a reality.

 I feel that as an adult who moved back home , I did my best to assist my older parents in whatever way that would make their lives easier. They seemed to enjoy always having someone at home to guard the fort too. And they never seemed lonely.  :
I think I have let go as far as my son is concerned, but what really bothers me about him is that he doesn't seem to give a damn. I mean he never initiates any calls. He used to answer emails, but now since they don't allow it at work...lame excuse he won't do it anymore. He tells me he will come down, and then doesn't bother to, or doesn't let me know he won't come. I deserve better, and others have told him to call me, and so forth..he just won't bother. I would just ignore him...but everything I have heard about estrangement is if you do that...it gets worse..I saw him for his birthday, last month, but since then no communication. I guess I should ask him why he doesn't call me. Thoughts? I don't really want to hear that;s so sad, because it is..just helpful advice would be appreciated.
I think it's great to take care of your own it it's needed in cases of mental health issues there isn't much choice. I used to be a program coordinator for a group of transitional living centers...Many times parents, for what ever reason would place their "Grown Child" with us...You have trained staff, Structured days, and for those that want to hold down a job there is employment placement and support. Sometimes it can get expensive but if your Person is on disability/Medicaid or Medicare some of not all the costs can be funneled through those agencies...I think it depends on the person providing the home, Can you do it financially and physically and mentally? If you have a good relationship sometimes it's a good thing to keep them around. But sometimes the care that's needed is taxing and stressful and sometimes dangerous...Only you can answer that.
cron