* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

* If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

* If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

* Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
:D :D :D :D
* Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you’re broke?

* Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

* Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

* Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

* Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

* Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

* Whose cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

* If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

* Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

* Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

* Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

* Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

* Why is it that no plastic bag will ever open from the first end you try?

* How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

* When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart, then apologizes for doing so; why do we say, “It’s all right”?

* Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

* How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

* And Statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness, think of your three best friends. If they’re OK..? (then it’s you!)

* REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine! And a day without sunshine is, like….......night!!!!

* Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. They can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

* Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
Hey Bob :lol:

This remind me of something that George Carlin would say