Two builders (Chris and James) are seated either side of a table
in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Chris: - I reckon he's an accountant.
James: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Chris: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Chris: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken ! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.
Chris: - Oh ! What's that then ?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ...Do you have a goldfish at home?
Chris: - Er .. mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Chris: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Chris: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Chris: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Chris: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chris:- Yep! Four nights a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Chris: - Me? Never!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Chris: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Chris: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.

James: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Chris: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
James: What's that then?

Chris: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
James: - Nope

Chris: - Well then, you're a wanker.
Two men sat at the bar:

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.

One says to the other, "jeez, i'd really like to dance with that girl."

The other man replies, "well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit."

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says,
"excuse me. would you be so kind as to dance with me?"

Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says,
"i'm sorry. right now i'm contemplating on matrimony, and i'd rather sit than dance."

So the man humbly returns to his friend
"so what did she say?" asks the friend.

The drunk responded,
"she said she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather sh*t in her pants."

:lol: :lol: