Chokko, thanks for the understanding.
Yes, I like to communicate and discuss my wanderings with people. Unfortunately, I don't have a effective communication with my husband on same page. We think differently and look at things in different ways.
During the 25 years, I tried many times to talk to him, but I failed. He doesn't have much interests. When he like to go fishing, I always encourage him to do. But he didn't think the same way. He just wants me stay home. He knows that I want to provide a warm and peaceful home for the family, so he uses all the resources (my relative and children) to persuade me listen to him or not do what he doesn't want me to do) . If he isn't happy, he will make the whole family in a bad mood. This makes me want to leave.
I knew him very well by now. If I talk my thoughts to him, he must flame out or stress out and then makes every one in the family feels blue. I don't want to see that moment again.
I plan to wait until my younger child finish high school, then I will discuss to him. There are two years to go.

I am a traditional mindset. When I am in the marriage, I don't allow me to have an other romantic relationship with others no matter if I am happy in the marriage or not. But in my heart, I want to give me a change to experience what love is. what an inconsistent thought, I said to myself. :D :D
Hi, Roamingcloud.   Your relationship is similar as the one I had with my partner,  25 years for me too, no real conversation, try also to communicate but he do not want  to listen most of the time...  This is why I could understand you...   Why did I stay, I do not know...    :)
Candlefish wrote: I think more about the consequences of love, rather than the love itself. Speaking from a man's point of view, the feeling of love is euphoric without reason, a drunken feeling of pleasure that is not always warranted, since your system may be totally void of alchohol. Love manifests itself by making you feel smug toward the world, you're in a constant state of elation when sometimes sad things are happening around you. you often cannot eat or sleep normally when you're in love. You never question, when you're first exposed to love, which can make you fall victim to life's hazards.

And it's while you're ambling around in this stupified state, incapable of negotiating the simplest of transactions, making little sense to anyone but yourself, babbling the most insignificant drivel, because your sap-like brain is swimming to your earholes in Dopamine, that society expects you to take an abrupt mental one-eighty, and make one of the most important, as well as lasting decisions of your idiotic life...Ask somebody to marry you!

After which, if your aim is good and the lady in question has no brain at all, you will both retire to the darkness of a cloistered bedroom to breed, making even more copies of yourselves. Makes one wonder how we progressed from the cave, or, depending on your religious befliefs, wish that Noah and his crew had missed the boat.


First of all, thank you for your post.I checked quite a few vocabularies to help me understand your post. Hope I understand clearly about your opinion.

It made me curious what kind of profession you are in? It looks like that your profession is relative in Psychology or Biochemistry or medicine?
From your post, I can sense that you are good in literacy and expressive in a cold humorous way which I like but am but able to re-greet in English at the same level. I wish I could reply your post in my mother language lol: :lol: :lol:

I would like to tell you that my system is allergic to alcohol. Maybe, Maybe this is why I am rational at most of time and emotional sometimes so I am very difficult to fall in love and still wandering if there is a such of thing called love. just kidding. :D

there is a expression says that marriage is the grave of love. Do you agree? :D

It is fine for Noah and his crew got on the boat, but it is not fair for god making Eve from Noah's ribs. (Sorry, I am not in any religion. I even don't know the original story of Noah and Eve. I am just based on your saying. Not offense :))



.
Chokko wrote: Hi, Roamingcloud.   Your relationship is similar as the one I had with my partner,  25 years for me too, no real conversation, try also to communicate but he do not want  to listen most of the time...  This is why I could understand you...   Why did I stay, I do not know...    :)

Thank you very much for your understanding.
That is why I like to be here since when I know I am not alone, I don't feel as lonely as before now. :D

A big hug~~~ I wish there are more emotional signs for me to post such as hug, high five, or heart :D
PS: Candlefish, would you please explain the expression "to take an abrupt mental one-eighty"?

Even though DA makes human beings babbling the most insignificant drivel, we still should appreciate the one who lead or made your brain produce DA, doesn't we?

A lot of people spend a lots of money to buy the drugs to stimulate their brain to produce DA to feel happy and even to be addicted. If someone makes you happy,isn't it great enough? :D
Hi cloud, so sorry for the delay in answering you...I don't get in here that often. I also have to apologise for not realising that English is not your first language. You do very well at it none-the-less.

To say to someone that they "Took an abrupt mental one-eighty" is a metaphor for suddenly changing their mind to something exactly opposite than they would usually think.

Again I am sorry for the confusion I caused...by the way, I am a retired "Design Engineer". I probably sound as if I need a Psychologist...lol...Have fun and this is a great subject you started.


roamingcloud wrote: PS: Candlefish, would you please explain the expression "to take an abrupt mental one-eighty"?

Even though DA makes human beings babbling the most insignificant drivel, we still should appreciate the one who lead or made your brain produce DA, doesn't we?

A lot of people spend a lots of money to buy the drugs to stimulate their brain to produce DA to feel happy and even to be addicted. If someone makes you happy,isn't it great enough? :D
Hi, Mr. Candlefish, I sincerely apologize for my impertinence about the previous reply. I didn't know that you are the senior to me. If I knew, I would tend or pretend to be courteous. :)

Sr. I will take your “not realizing the English is not your first language” as a complement or encouragement. When I sensed your sense of humor, I thought it is better to reply your post as a same language level. Otherwise, you may feel sleepy when you read my replies. Apparently, I am only confident in using my mother language to match your English level or win the debate, so I said I wish...

English almost made me crazy. It has dropped me into a deep desperation thousands of times which made me believe that my language Center in the brain must be damaged. :) I finally gave it up. But the fate likes to play fool with me-----made me work with people in a English environment. What can I do? I just could not quit learning. So I am here for no choice. :)

Please do feel free to use big vocabularies or phrases or idioms or quotes or even slang. I am willing to learn everything. And I also open to discuss any topics you like to discuss such as art/culture/politics/literature/world events (Oh, no, not in English Literature :). I would be happy to share the thoughts with you and learn English at the same time.

I have a busy working schedule. I also do not have much time to come here. Please feel free to participating the discussion. There is no need to say sorry for late reply at all. :)

I like to handle challenges. I am also curious about any confusion. :) Don't worry about my confusion. If I don't understand, I may ask. If you explain my confusion or correct my mistakes, that will be great appreciated. :) In addition, for a return, if you need a Psychological services, I can provide you a health and wellness coach or a Psychotherapist or a Psychologist or even a Psychiatrist. I will do it as a favor since I am working in health field . :lol: :lol: :lol:

I am so so sorry, Sr. I just can not help on teasing you. :)
I thought I was profoundly in love with both my husbands. It turned out that I never felt love till I was in a relationship where that wasn't even the point or expectation. We simply enjoyed being together. Every single minute, We knew from the being there was an expiry date but we made every moment count. Love can last a short time or for decades.
Hi there Cloud, as I am a free-loader on this site..(I don't pay fees for special priviledges) and this fact prevents me from writing to you. If you are a paying member, maybe you could write me an e-mail, I have a good idea that I would like to present to you.

Please don't worry, it is nothing salacious or unpleasant....Hoping to hear from you.




roamingcloud wrote: Hi, Mr. Candlefish, I sincerely apologize for my impertinence about the previous reply. I didn't know that you are the senior to me. If I knew, I would tend or pretend to be courteous. :)

Sr. I will take your “not realizing the English is not your first language” as a complement or encouragement. When I sensed your sense of humor, I thought it is better to reply your post as a same language level. Otherwise, you may feel sleepy when you read my replies. Apparently, I am only confident in using my mother language to match your English level or win the debate, so I said I wish...

English almost made me crazy. It has dropped me into a deep desperation thousands of times which made me believe that my language Center in the brain must be damaged. :) I finally gave it up. But the fate likes to play fool with me-----made me work with people in a English environment. What can I do? I just could not quit learning. So I am here for no choice. :)

Please do feel free to use big vocabularies or phrases or idioms or quotes or even slang. I am willing to learn everything. And I also open to discuss any topics you like to discuss such as art/culture/politics/literature/world events (Oh, no, not in English Literature :). I would be happy to share the thoughts with you and learn English at the same time.

I have a busy working schedule. I also do not have much time to come here. Please feel free to participating the discussion. There is no need to say sorry for late reply at all. :)

I like to handle challenges. I am also curious about any confusion. :) Don't worry about my confusion. If I don't understand, I may ask. If you explain my confusion or correct my mistakes, that will be great appreciated. :) In addition, for a return, if you need a Psychological services, I can provide you a health and wellness coach or a Psychotherapist or a Psychologist or even a Psychiatrist. I will do it as a favor since I am working in health field . :lol: :lol: :lol:

I am so so sorry, Sr. I just can not help on teasing you. :)
coolhicchic56 wrote: I thought I was profoundly in love with both my husbands. It turned out that I never felt love till I was in a relationship where that wasn't even the point or expectation. We simply enjoyed being together. Every single minute, We knew from the being there was an expiry date but we made every moment count. Love can last a short time or for decades.


thank you very much for your comments. You are so lucky. :!: :!:
when I saw that the time was mentioned on your post, I was thinking if it is a possibility of ardor? (I don't know if I used the right word. I am trying to mention a strong emotion that not last long. :)

I am wondering if there is a kind of English name to describe a relationship which between friendship and romantic relationship?
Candlefish wrote: Hi there Cloud, as I am a free-loader on this site..(I don't pay fees for special priviledges) and this fact prevents me from writing to you. If you are a paying member, maybe you could write me an e-mail, I have a good idea that I would like to present to you.

Please don't worry, it is nothing salacious or unpleasant....Hoping to hear from you.


Mr. Candlefish, I am a free-loader here too. :) I prefer the forum discussion method so I didn't bother to become a premium member. :) I thought this might be the best way to help me to keep the talk in a limited range because I had a lesson before. people say that we should learn from mistake. I am glad I am still has the capability to learn from mistake. :)

Sr. I was kidding about the psychological services. Please forgive me. My spoken English level is way worse than the reading and writing level since I use dictionary when I write and read. If you present to me, I won't be able to talk like this way. :)

May I ask how you can write post here without uploading your picture?
when I set up my log account, it asked me to fill up the profile more 65% or pay a fee in order to post here. I filled out all the blank spaces expect the picture, but I still couldn't post posts here. Then I uploaded a picture which didn't show clear of my face, I could write post here. But after 2 days,the administrator deleted my picture and asked me to post a picture shows my face. I changed to the one you see now. Otherwise, I only can read but not write.
roamingcloud wrote:
Candlefish wrote: Hi there Cloud, as I am a free-loader on this site..(I don't pay fees for special priviledges) and this fact prevents me from writing to you. If you are a paying member, maybe you could write me an e-mail, I have a good idea that I would like to present to you.

Please don't worry, it is nothing salacious or unpleasant....Hoping to hear from you.


Mr. Candlefish, I am a free-loader here too. :) I prefer the forum discussion method so I didn't bother to become a premium member. :) I thought this might be the best way to help me to keep the talk in a limited range because I had a lesson before. people say that we should learn from mistake. I am glad I am still has the capability to learn from mistake. :)

Sr. I was kidding about the psychological services. Please forgive me. My spoken English level is way worse than the reading and writing level since I use dictionary when I write and read. If you present to me, I won't be able to talk like this way. :)

May I ask how you can write post here without uploading your picture?
when I set up my log account, it asked me to fill up the profile more 65% or pay a fee in order to post here. I filled out all the blank spaces expect the picture, but I still couldn't post posts here. Then I uploaded a picture which didn't show clear of my face, I could write post here. But after 2 days,the administrator deleted my picture and asked me to post a picture shows my face. I changed to the one you see now. Otherwise, I only can read but not write.



Hi Cloud, I have never understood the the 65% of profile to mean that it has to include a picture. 65% is 65% with or without one's picture.

Please don't feel a need to apologise for having fun...fun is one of the few free aspects of life left open to us.

What I was going to suggest was simply to have you write your posts in here, then I would transfer them to the mailing system, at the same time re-writing them in the most correct English that I could muster. I am not trying to be facetious with this, it's just that I felt you would enjoy the help with our language. But my suggestion seems futile anyway, as neither one of us can write to the other.

Feel free to talk to me anytime, I have enjoyed our chit-chat.

ps. You asked another member if there was an English word for a relationship without romance...that word would be "Platonic".
Very appreciated!!! Mr. Candlefish. I had a little writing piece which I don't know what kind of writing type it should belong to. If you can help me on editing or revising, Please take my sincerest thanks. Hope I didn't bother you too much.

PS: thanks for the word--- "Platonic". I will discuss more about Platonic with you when I have time.
It is a good topic to discuss about. :)
*******************************************************


Walking into spring color

"Approaching spring color" or "walking into spring color”? I was wondering for quite a while to decide the title just for this one word difference.
Spring had been coming to us for a long time. She walked gently and softly into the dark night, breaking the morning mist, chasing the rosy dawn, trailing the sunset, traveling through the mountains and rivers, drifting across the cities, towns and villages, pressing close to our vision and approaching into our life. . .
 
Our life is much busier today than the in the past. My bustling life gradually numbs my feelings. My heart eventually becomes numb. I look without seeing the approaching of spring and don't have time to pay attention on feeling her fascination. . . Until one day a riot of colors impacted my eyes so that my vision couldn't evade her bright floweriness, I suddenly realized that I have been wrapped by spring for a long time. . .
 
In the morning of May 03, 2013, I was driving on the road to work as usual while listening to the familiar music channels. The Red light appeared at the intersection of Steeles Ave. and Markham Road. While I was waiting for the red light to change, I accidentally turned my head. I was shocked by a sheet of purplish scarlet color. How come?? When and who planted so many tulips which I had never noticed before?? When did the tulips open?? I asked myself. Every day I passed through the intersection and I stopped at the red lights. How could I miss it? Did the Flower Fairy come last night to bloom the flowers at once? I could not believe my eyes. Also, I could not believe my own imagination. . .
 
In retrospect, I have been brushing past spring. Driving to work every day, the colors on both sides of the road open in front of me like an impressionist painting; only the color bands were seen. There were no clear lines in the picture. The color bands were merged in different colors as a large rainbow filling the sky. Interpretations of the details of these colors were not revealed. I could not tell when maple buds were formed, and when leaves emerged. Now the verdant green suddenly covered the branches as a large green ribbon. I couldn't help letting my imagination wander. If I carefully observe the color band with enough time, I might be able to see the leaves stretching and the flower blooming with my naked eyes. Looking at the roadside, beautiful color everywhere: here is a whole tree of purple; there is a big sheet of snow-white; this corner has a few branches of yellow, and in that front there is large several pink spots.
 
Rather abruptly, I saw quite a few winter jasmines jut their heads out from a fence, could not help but secretly sighed out of a Chinese poem:"Man Yuan Chun Se Guan Bu Zhu, Yi Zhi Xing Huang (original sentence is Hong Xing) Chu Qiang Lai”. Remembering the poem, I had an impression that the willow trees, which I loved to observe growing, had been transformed several times as different masks of colors. From the beginning, light green setting off from the original light yellow--Liu Huang, to pale yellow covered light green , then emerald-green dotted the pale yellow , later on it outflanked the yellow. It showed how much passion and efforts spring put on her painting brush and how much delicacy she spent on the preliminary sketch of her painting.
 
When I drove back home after work, I turned my eyes on the patch of the purplish scarlet again. I could not wait to jump out from the running car and fly to the streams of color. :) After all, it was too late to stop there, but my heart could not stop thinking about it. Every day, regardless of morning or night, as long as I drove through the intersection, I must have been on their radar, and vowed to find some time to feel them. Finally, my little wish become a reality today.
 
I parked my car and rushed into the gallery of spring. Steady stream of vehicles at the two main roads is just one step away from the park. Pedestrians walked crossing the sidewalks hurriedly. There also were people casually waiting at the bus stop. But no one seemed to pay attention to the tapestry of spring with its many colors.
 
Spring rested in a small and an elegant park, which open to the main crossroads of vehicular and pedestrian traffic. There is a small fountain next to the crossroads. Behind the fountain, there is a classical Chinese style pavilion. From near and far, the pavilion is followed by two rows of six white flowering cherry trees. The trees were embellished with white petals. On both sides of the park along the roads, the bewitching purplish scarlet were spread as a red carpet and became the flanking wings of the pavilion. The area between the two red carpets was filled with golden and green color in a fan-shaped tail spread. The beauty was incredible.
 
Overlooking the park from above, the tapestry looks like an elegant peacock. The fountain is her chest and abdomen; the pavilion is her neck; the Sakura is the crown on her head; both sides of the tulips are her wings; the fan-shaped golden and green is her colorful tail. It is vivid, life-like and lovely... I had to highly praise the talent of the garden designers, and even further, I sincerely marvel at the nature of the colorful masterpiece.
 
Walking into the lawn of the park, I placed myself into the magical palette: Scarlet, white and golden were sprinkled over the green lawn. Without feeling them, only imagination could excite people with burst of joy. I strongly felt the breath of spring. Surrounded by spring color,
I could not tell if I was hugging the spring color or the spring was overwhelming and flooding me with its beauty. Walking into the patch of scarlet, I found out that the tulips turned out to be directly rooted in the green lawn. The tulips were also surrounded by the sea of dandelion flowers. Yellow and green contrasted the scarlet exceptionally by its tenderness and beauty.

Gently, I squatted close to her, touching her skin and feeling her breathing and pulse. A fluorescent luster appeared on the top layer of the petals. It made the petals looked gorgeous as it contained pearl powder or water drops. It felt creamy but there was no sense of moisture. While they were exposed to the side of the busy hubbub of vehicle traffic, their heart is so quiet and relaxed. Quietly standing on both sides of the traffic, some are budding with bashfulness and demure; some are grinning with fascinating and charming; some are shining with dignity and graceful; and some are tamely nodding with enchantment. Every flower is blossoming bright and each of them is unbelievably beautiful. It made me hardly shifted my eyes. . .

Strolling in the palette of gorgeous flowers with no one else but me in this gignatic park of beauty, I could not help to give the flowers a trace of pity: "You Hua Kan Zhai Zhi Xu Zhai, Mo Dai Wu Hua Kong Zhai Zhi”. I murmured the poem to myself. (“ If there is a flower worthy to pick, Please take her straightly. Do not wait until no flower can be picked.” It encourages people to take opportunities as they present themselves. Do not wait until the opportunity is lost. ) I sighed: "if only myself admired them, would they feel wronged? Would they feel lonely? I asked gently. . . But in an other hand, I was thankful for their being alone. If those people who do not know how to cherish their beauty come here, it is tantamount to trample and destroy the beauty of the flowers. It is better to leave the flowers alone and for the flowers to keep their purity of beauty. “ Zhi Ben Jie Lai Huan Jie Que, Bu Jiao Wu Nao xian Qu Gou” I murmured again.

Because of the understanding of her pure character and the cherish of her beauty, I wanted to stay there longer and accompany them for a while. I talked with them slowly and softly, accompanied them to break up the loneliness... until I have to leave them by stepping out in backwards. . .

Walking toward the parking lot, I thought naively that there are many many people in the steady stream of traffic  admiring the beauty of spring and pity their fragrance as me these days. But they did not have the time to enjoy them. Hopefully, everyone does not live up to the spring rewards and gifts, cherish the presence of every spring color and each second of spring time. . .
The original writing piece was in Chinese language. I converted to English as above. The word order or describing method is more like Chinese way than English. :)
Awakening to Spring's Colour


Spring had been searching for us, since last she left. She walked softly...gently, from Winter's last dark night...breaking the morning's mist.

Trailing the Sunrise, she introduced anew, her mountains, her rivers...our cities, towns and villages, the Rosy Dawn that she had saved, to refresh our vision...

Spring, the annual repeat of life.

Our lives are busier than when last we saw that Rosy Dawn, Spring approaches...Yet, I look without seeing, I feel, without fascination. Life's bustling gradually numb's my feelings, my emotions, I think... even my heart.

Then, this Rosy Dawn, this spectacle, this riot in brightness, invade's my eyes to make anew my vision, 'til now, void of colour...void of tears...devoid of JOY.

This Rosy Dawn has had me wrapped, in hibernation, awaiting Spring.



This text is an attempt in the ongoing translation of 'Roamingcloud's" original work..