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fridayliscious lol...im gonna use that one
Great Callmecoach. Make all Fridays " Fridaylicious", and you will also remember me each times you will be "Fridayliscious". :lol:
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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY G-D!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" :D
How do you make holy water?
You put cold tap water in a pot
place pot on stove
set dial to high
boil the hell out of it 
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Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! :D
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.” :D ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and said, "Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup." The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man said," Yes officer here it right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk." The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too." :lol: ..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Image
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day
while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see
what he went through each day, so he prayed :
"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I
want her to know what I go through, so please create a
trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed
them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
school, came home ..... picked up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to
draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.

He drove to the electricity company and the phone
company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping,
came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the
cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was
already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do
the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the
kitchen floor.

He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got
into an argument with them on the way home which he
had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set
out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do
their homework, then set up the ironing board and was
able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By
then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and
washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for
an early dinner.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put
them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although
his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to
bed where he was expected to make love, which he
managed to get through without complaining. The next
morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said : "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so
wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all
day. Please, O please, let us trade back!" The Lord,
in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you
have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were. You'll just have to
wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last
night!!!" :shock:
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A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane... The lady said to him "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?" The exciting young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure... So what is it?" "Your Eyes, idiot... " :D
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