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If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve made the mental decision to start dating again. This leap of faith is likely causing jitters as you anticipate the type of person you may meet and what it could potentially lead to.However, before you get too excited about finding ‘the one’, pump the brakes and take a deep breath.Before putting yourself out there, it’s important to take a close look at your expectations and how high or low you are setting the bar. No matter what age you are beginning your dating journey, it’s easy to get caught in the excitement of it all before you’ve really had the time to get to know a person. To stop the ‘honeymoon phase’ from clouding your judgment, it’s important to have realistic, achievable, and healthy expectations beforehand.To help you along the way, let’s dive right into the 8 signs your dating expectations may be too high.
Expecting it All in One Package
As lovely as it would be to find the perfect soul mate who is charming, well off financially, funny, and with all the same interests as you, it’s important to not set the bar so high from the beginning. If you have a genuine interest in your date, feel comfortable when you are with them, and realize you have similar interests, consider this a good starting point.
Making Big Steps Before Meeting Someone
How someone communicates online through an online dating service or via text message can at times be completely different from how they communicate face-to-face. Before getting too invested in a potential prospect, try to meet in person as soon as possible. Chatting online can be a great start, but being able to read someone’s body language, making eye contact with them, and listening to their voice in real-time is something that can’t be duplicated.
Comparing Your Date to Previous Partners
Telling someone, “You look just like my ex-husband” or “My ex-wife loved doing that too” is rarely a good idea. Your past is unique to you and your previous partner, don’t drag it into the present. Looking for new love once you have moved on from your previous love is key to building a strong, new relationship. Avoid comparisons with old partners to help keep your mind open to new possibilities and to avoid uncomfortable conversations with your new date.
Having a Need to Constantly Communicate
Don’t feel discouraged if you go on a first date and you don’t hear back from someone immediately. Too often people make the mistake of reading into a lack of communication as, “They are not interested” or “Maybe I did something wrong”. Truthfully, if someone isn’t so keen to respond right away, it often means they are busy at work or doing something with their time that requires attention (which is a good thing). Trying to establish how to interact with one another can be a process, so be patient.With that being said, be on the lookout for any suspicious signs or inconsistencies. There is a difference between taking things slowly and playing games with someone’s emotions.
Putting All Your Eggs in One Basket
It’s understandable to want to be committed to someone, but in the early stages of dating, it’s normal to arrange to see different people. By going on a number of dates, it will open up your mind to the different kinds of people out there and help you narrow down choices to the person who stands out the most. If you put all your eggs in one basket and things fall apart, it may affect your willingness to go out on future dates.
Meeting Friends and Family Too Quickly
Before introducing your date to loved ones, be sure you are both comfortable with each other and enough time has passed to know that the relationship can go somewhere. Bringing to events a different partner every time may be okay with you, but family and friends may see it differently. Be mindful of any dynamic that can cause “gossip” and have each other’s back if anything uncomfortable arises.
Going on a private getaway with your date may sound like a great idea in your mind, but it can turn a potential partner off. There is value to having a layer of “mystery” or “hard to obtain” status that can draw people to you. If you are seen as needy, desperate, or too easy to lure, it can take the fun away from the chase most people enjoy when it comes to dating. Even if your date is trying to push things forward quickly, be the one to reel it back in and keep it at a steady boil.
Looking for a Quick Fix
Getting into a relationship to solve your insecurities, financial woes, or other personal problems is counterproductive. Self-reflection and personal growth are key to having a happy, fulfilling life, not being in a relationship to achieve that end. This is especially true for senior dating, where many people are often still dealing with the loss of a partner or a divorce from a long-lasting marriage. Before you decide to truly commit to dating, consider taking enough time to be alone in order to make sure your mental state is in the right place.
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