Dating After Divorce: Dos and Don'ts

Dating After Divorce: Dos and Don'ts

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Divorce can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience. Though it often takes time for the wounds to heal, most of us eventually choose to re-enter the dating world.

Dating after divorce can be challenging. For many newly-divorced adults, it has been years since they've been a part of the "dating scene." It takes some time to adjust to being single and dating casually, particularly after years of marriage.

Whether you're going through a divorce or have already begun dating again, these tips will aid you in navigating the complex world of divorcée dating.


DO: Self-reflect and rediscover yourself after finalizing your divorce.

In marriage, many spouses "merge," participating in the same activities and meeting up with the same group of friends. After divorce, it's important to rediscover yourself and your personal interests. Join a club and rekindle your passion for an old hobby. Reflect on your past relationships, too. What are you looking for in a future partner? Which parts of yourself should you work on before you commit to a new relationship? The months following a divorce are an ideal time to focus on yourself. Instead of diving into dating right away, spend a few months living independently and working on self-improvement. By doing so, you will be setting yourself up for greater successes in the dating world.


DON'T: Start dating while you're still enamored with your ex.

Divorce is never easy, and feelings for your ex-spouse won't evaporate overnight. It's perfectly natural to still have feelings for your ex following your divorce. Though these emotions are normal, it is wise to avoid dating until you are certain that your feelings for your ex are behind you.

It can be difficult to avoid a feeling of competition between you and your ex. You may be tempted to start dating simply because your ex has already begun a new relationship. This, however, is a serious dating blunder. You should only begin dating when you are ready. You should never start dating simply to spite or out-pace your ex.

Begin dating when the time feels right. Once you've moved on from your ex and have lived independently for a few months, you're likely ready to re-enter the dating world. Try a dating site that caters to boomers like


DO: Connect with single friends and colleagues.

Great friends are crucial to surviving the divorce process. Post-divorce, seek out your single friends. If most of your friends are in committed relationships, team up with your single colleagues or make a few new friends through sports, clubs, or other social groups.

Single friends will help you reconnect with the dating world, suggesting the best local hangouts and recommending the top online dating sites. Spending time with optimistic and upbeat singles will also remind you that dating and relationships aren't the be-all and end-all of life.

Befriending a group of happy singles will boost your self-worth and help you view the dating world from a singles' perspective. Connecting with unmarried friends is a great way to jump-start the dating process following a divorce.


DON'T: Let your children or grandchildren dictate your dating life.

Many once-married adults enter the dating world a second time with a changed perspective. This new outlook on dating often includes the consideration of one's children or grandchildren.

It is smart to think of your children in regards to dating. In many cases, it is best to introduce your children to your date only after the relationship becomes serious. Though it's wise to consider how dating will affect your children, you shouldn't tailor your dating life to your children's needs. Teens and adult children may protest to your quest for romance. Though these feelings are understandable, you shouldn't stop or start dating simply because your children think it's right. Only you can rightfully determine the proper time to begin dating. Remind yourself that you are a mature adult; you are allowed to date whomever you choose. You can be courteous of your family's feelings while continuing to explore the dating world.


DO: Seek out every opportunity for meeting potential partners.

Many divorcées have been removed from the dating scene for years. Dating in 2015 is far different than dating in 1995! Today, more and more couples are meeting via online dating sites and apps. Stay open-minded regarding online dating and other new dating mediums.

Keep your dating options open. Though you might roll your eyes at the idea of setting up an online dating profile, do it anyway. Go out to local events with your friends, even when you'd rather be at home watching TV.

To be successful at modern dating, you must open your eyes to every possibility for romance. Most couples today meet through friends, social settings, work, or online. By putting yourself "out there" as often as possible, your odds of meeting a great partner increase dramatically.


DON'T: Play the "blame game."

Everyone wants to grumble and complain about their ex. Though it's always tempting to bash and bad-mouth a former flame, this behavior is very unbecoming.

Avoid conversations about your former marriage during your first few dates. Instead, focus on the positive. Laugh off the problems of the past, and discuss what you've learned from your previous relationships. Your date will be glad to learn more about you and will be pleased to see that you're neither vindictive nor "hung up" on your ex.

Instead of blaming your ex for your divorce, do your best to take the high road. When you focus on the positive and look towards the future, your dating experience is sure to go well.

Though dating after divorce can be challenging, it is almost always worth it in the end. By striving for self-improvement and positivity, you are guaranteed to master the post-divorce dating experience.


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Marianna, 07/02/2015