3 | 941 views
In the world of dating, “nice guys” have acquired a reputation for finishing last. According to common lore, women are most attracted to “bad boys” who treat them with little respect.
How much of this is true, however? Can a man treat a woman well and still have success in the world of dating? Are you a “bad boy,” a “nice guy,” or a “good guy?” Read on to discover the answers to these pressing questions!
“Nice Guys” VS “Good Guys” - What’s the Difference?
Though originally used to describe authentically nice men, the term “nice guy” has, over time, acquired a second meaning. Today, “nice guy” is often used to describe a man who is excessively kind out of desperation. A “nice guy” may be overly forward with romantic gestures, expecting women to be attracted to him simply because he is attracted to them. “Nice guys” often have unrealistic expectations regarding the ways in which women should respond to their behaviors. Such “nice guys” often view their romantic pursuits through a “quid pro quo” lens, believing that they deserve a woman’s affections in return for their kindness. Though some “nice guys” may simply accept the rejection they often receive, others may act out in malicious ways, believing they’re owed something in return for their seemingly thoughtful gestures.
Being a “nice guy” is never a good thing! Instead, men should focus on being “good guys.” A good guy pursues relationships in a healthy manner, often taking things slow at the beginning. Such men will make sure women are interested in them before making any grand romantic gestures. You’ll know you’re dating a good man when you feel respected and “seen” by him. If you’re not interested in him, he will back off. A good man’s thoughtful gestures are expressed without any expectation that he will be rewarded for his good behavior. Being self-aware and genuinely kind are the keys to being a truly good guy.
Being a “Good Guy”
It is important to realize that being nice is an important part of being a “good guy.” What often differentiates “nice guys” from “good guys” are their awareness of interpersonal boundaries and their levels of respect for themselves and others. A good man has enough self-esteem to realize that not all women will like him. Being rejected is an inescapable part of dating! Instead of repeatedly pursuing a woman who has rejected you, move on. Take a moment to reflect on your interactions with the last woman you pursued. Did you perhaps move too quickly or make her feel uncomfortable in some way? If you think your behavior may have been a cause for your rejection, try to rectify the problem. It is important to realize, however, that some women may simply not be interested in you. Sometimes, intangible factors, such as a lack of physical or emotional chemistry, may be the reason a woman turned you down. Regardless, it is important to focus on being your best self and moving forward.
“Nice guys” often lament that women are only attracted to jerks. Though this isn’t true, there are indeed personality traits that “nice guys” often lack and “bad boys” commonly emulate. At first, a “bad boy” may be attractive due to his bravado and swagger. Being cocky and unpredictable may be mistaken for being assertive and confident. A “good guy,” on the other hand, is authentically sure of himself and doesn’t need to put on an act.
Genuinely good men, however, may feel that they’re invisible compared to loud and blustering bad boys. Quiet confidence may be harder to spot. In some cases, working on your outer persona may improve your success in the world of dating. Get out there and have authentic conversations with the women you’re interested in. Stand up tall, dress well, and strive to accept rejection gracefully, even when it hurts. Expressing respect for yourself and others is crucial to dating success.
In the world of online dating, strive to promptly respond to messages. Men who respond to messages on the same day they receive them are 17% more likely to receive a response than those who wait an extra day. If you’re truly a great guy, don’t be shy about saying so, too! Men with words such as “thoughtful,” “listener,” “polite,” “giving,” and “community” in their online profiles received more messages than men who avoided such descriptors.
What are women seeking from their ideal mate? For women over the age of 30, the most common answer was “honesty!” Authentic kindness and respect are ultimately what women seek.
Dating “Good Guys”
If you’ve been dating for decades, you’ve almost certainly gone out with a number of jerks. In fact, dating not-so-nice men may be common for you! If so, it may be difficult to determine whether or not the man you’re interested in is genuinely a “good guy” or not.
The signs you’re interested in a “good guy” are often subtle. If you’re used to dating jerks, you may be suspicious or surprised by the authentic, drama-free relationship dynamic you’re experiencing. When entering a relationship with someone sincere, you may still find yourself feeling on-guard, expecting bad behavior to crop up at any moment. You may struggle to open up, as you’ve had your feelings hurt in the past.
Pay attention to the man you’re dating and his behavior. Does he treat you well on a consistent basis? Is he reliable and trustworthy? In a relationship with an authentically good man, you’ll feel listened-to, cared-for, and respected. Though communication problems may occur, you feel as though you’re both open with one another, working through problems in respectful, constructive ways. When you’re around this man, you feel as though you can relax, be yourself, and trust your instincts. In short, dating a good guy should feel good.
In the world of dating, we should all strive to be kind, thoughtful, and respectful towards one another. Women are, of course, equally responsible for treating their partners well and respecting their boundaries! When we all decide to be good people, we’ll all have happier and healthier relationships.
Photo: © contrastwerkstatt / fotolia.com