Why Am I Still Single? Common Red Flags

Why Am I Still Single? Common Red Flags

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After years of dating, most of us have come to realize that the majority of our first dates aren’t going to lead to lasting relationships. That being said, it can be frustrating to have potential partners cut things off without providing explanations. Perhaps you really felt as though this person could have been “the one.” Why, then, are you still struggling to find a committed partner?


Though it’s possible that you simply haven’t met the right person yet, your own habits and behaviors could also be contributing to your perpetual singleness. Are you accidentally waving a “red flag” that’s scaring off potential partners? Check out this list of common turn-offs to find out!


Anger, Negativity, and Reactivity


Many of us are negative without even realizing it. Whether you’re a passive complainer or an aggressive critic of those around you, your bad attitude could very likely be the reason potential partners run the other way! Constantly seeing the metaphorical glass as half empty rather than half full can easily depress those around you. Most partners are looking for someone who will fill their lives with a presence of optimism and positivity. Complimenting others and having an attitude of gratitude are far superior to being critical and contemptful. Those who act on their negativity, behaving angrily and reactively towards their dates, are especially likely to struggle in the dating world. No one wants to date someone who makes them feel bad about themselves! If you feel as though you can’t help being negative, consider looking into therapeutic options in your area. Therapy or medication might possibly reduce some of the negative feelings you are experiencing.


No Work-Life Balance


Do you work 60 hours a week? Do you spend every weeknight watching reruns of your favorite sitcom? Either of these extremes could be a turn-off to potential partners! Most of us are looking to spend our time with someone who has established a sense of work-life balance. If you’re a workaholic or, on the contrary, totally lack ambition, others may find your behavior off-putting. Those who define themselves through a single hobby or passion may also find that their obsessive focus is a turn-off for some individuals. In general, a healthy, balanced approach to life is most attractive to potential mates.


Narcissism and Vanity


Relationships are all about give and take. If you’re only focused on what others can do for you, your relationships are ultimately destined for failure. Do you think about what potential partners would like to do on dates? Are you interested in satisfying your partners in the bedroom, or are you primarily concerned about your own pleasure? If you struggle to genuinely pay attention to the needs and interests of those you are dating, you’ll likely lose out on many possible relationships. 

Neediness, Insecurity, and Poor Sense of Self


Perhaps the biggest reason many of us are still single is that we struggle to maintain healthy relationships with ourselves. Having chronically low self-esteem can cause us to behave in ways that may scare off those we are dating. Having a one-sided need for support can be exhausting for others. Behaving in insecure ways, such as trying to maintain constant contact with those we are dating, can also be off-putting. Potential partners should feel as though we want them without needing them. If those you are dating feel as though you’re using them to fill a void you have within yourself, you’ll likely lose them. If you’re struggling to value yourself, consider working through your own problems for a while before re-entering the dating scene. By taking the time to learn how to care for yourself, you’ll become more emotionally available, allowing your future relationships to flourish.


Poor Self-Care and Hygiene


When it comes to dating, first impressions do play a role in how others perceive us! Taking care of yourself and your home environment are two simple ways to attract others. If, on the other hand, your physical appearance seems to indicate a lack of self-care, potential partners may turn the other way. All of us can shower, groom ourselves, and dress in flattering ways. If you struggle with an embarrassing ailment, such as overwhelming body odor or bad breath, talk to a healthcare professional to find a solution to the problem. Before you go out on your next date, tidy up your apartment and engage in some personal grooming. Simply making a good first impression could make the difference between dating failure and success!


You’re Surrounded By the Wrong People


Have the individuals you’ve dated ever mentioned that they don’t like your mother or your best friend? If so, the people in your life may actually be harming your success in the dating world! If your best buddy is rude and misogynistic, don’t be surprised if potential partners consider it a reflection of your own values and beliefs. Complicated family dynamics may also be a deal-breaker for many. If you seem to be easily manipulated by your parents or adult children, those you are dating may be worried that they’ll wind up a part of your family’s personal drama. Though you can’t always help the behavior of those around you, you can change the way you respond to it. If your friends or family members are behaving in disrespectful ways, don’t enable them or condone their behavior. By taking a stand, you’ll show that you are your own person, independent of those around you.


Bad Behavior Online


Today, many potential partners meet online. In such cases, first impressions are based more upon digital communication habits rather than physical ones. Studies have shown that most online daters have a negative perception of those who use poor grammar online. Being crass and overtly sexual shortly after meeting is also likely to put off most prospective dates. Whether you meet online or in-person, potential partners are also likely to find an obsession with the digital world to be off-putting. It’s nearly impossible to build a healthy relationship when one partner is obsessed with their own social media presence. Partners that meet online, however, shouldn’t fall out of touch, either. Maintaining a healthy amount of contact via digital channels is ideal for building sturdy, trusting relationships.


You’re Sabotaging Yourself


There are many ways in which you might be sabotaging your own relationships. Perhaps you were frequently burned in the past. Maybe you’re being too picky and finding fault in prospective partners, abandoning them before they can abandon you. Maybe you’re insecure and struggling to be yourself around those you date. If you seem high-strung and are unable to make a genuine connection with those around you, your connections with others will likely remain superficial.


Ultimately, self-awareness is crucial to success in the dating world. Can you see the ways in which you may be sabotaging potential relationships? If so, you’re one step closer to correcting your behavior, leading to greater dating success in the future.


In Conclusion:


It takes two healthy, mature partners to build a strong and lasting relationship. Though it’s possible that some of your behaviors are preventing you from finding “the one,” it’s just as likely that those you’ve dated have also played a role in your inability to find a partner. In addition to raising “red flags” themselves, those you have dated might simply not have been ready for relationships at the time you began dating. Perhaps your connection with someone was meant to remain a friendship; in some cases, you might simply have been incompatible. Though most of us are looking for lasting relationships, it’s important to remember that being single isn’t a reflection of our value and worth as individuals. Until you find the right partner, savor your singleness and enjoy life to the fullest! By living a fulfilling life and loving yourself, you’ll be more likely to attract “the one” while learning to enjoy life on your own.



Photo: © missty/ fotolia.com

Editor, 02/14/2019